Poetry Forum

Souls taken, and auras destroyed,
I wish my prayers were answered, in the lord i curse,
Inside my mind, just a darkend void,
Spitting venom in every verse,
My blade stuck so many heads, sending blood into the heavans,
Yes lord, i dyed your palace red,
Let me drag your lungs into the crevass,
Your no use to me, you pathetic villains,
Now that your all dead,

Walking through the battlefield,
Looking at the fading bodies,
delivering thos essential final blows,
No need for redemtion,
But instead he bows,
And lowers his head, in shame for weakness,
The blade strikes down hard, his blood is penance,

The blood on my hands, will cease to wash out,
An eternall scar of victims past,
The mark of life, of everything created,
Lies here within, Now that everythings fading,

I fuigured that this would be better than the other stuff i have posted, well i hope so anyway

Spike

I know that Kris and Keith have already highlighted your spelling problem but the situation doesn't seem to be improving. We all make the odd mistake from time to time but this poem is littered with spelling and grammatical errors. (You couldn't even get the title right.)

As a poet, you are supposed to care about the English language not mangle it! Furthermore, why do you expect people to spend time and effort reviewing your stuff when you can't be bothered to open a dictionary?

We, the mods, will start deleting your work if you don't address this problem.

Cam

hear, hear!

ok, i will focus on the spelling bit, but i cant do much bout the grammer

Thats fair enough I guess, it only takes a spell checker, although they are all American so, its not real spelling, lol.

just full of colo(u)rful remarks aren't you?

Best not to analy(z)e it, spell how you will as long it's in some dictionary somewhere down the line.

THAT was your 1000 mark? Fuck, man. Delete it, you've got to make that one at least somewhat memorable...

mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm, nah I'll wait til 2000.

plick.

I really like the imagery in this Spike.The line 'Spitting venom in every verse..' Wicked.You're a man after me own heart...I started seeing advancing hoards with Shaolin swords coming down my garden path after reading this!

thank you.

it's a good poem. perhaps a tad contrived in parts but really not bad. the spelling was pretty grim, and i won't talk about the grammar, but i liked the imagery. i didn't really find any specific motive for his actions in the later part of the piece but i could have missed something.

Do an American asshole a favor please. Change the title. At least spell that right.

A Warlord's Redemption

You can even cut and paste.

And yes. It does bother me that much.

Thanks.

yeah at least fix the title

fuck it I'll do it.

No offence Spike.

Post some slick number to stop us pissing and moaning.

i think my poem entitled. "ok i really tried on this one" was rather slick

Anything with a title like that can hardly be described as slick Spike.

the title, is not that, that was just the subject as it was 2;30 am and i didnt know what to put