Higgs the poet

[Marc]

Through the broken atoms
of his lexicon,
in thoughts constrained
by tidy words, he seeks
a deeper sense, foregone.

Syllables spin wildly
in pervading emptiness,
the ovum of thought,
colliding to blast
more meaning out of less.

For you know that before
the tree, the fruit, the serpent
(for the serpent to be heard),
lying without shape or form:
In the beginning was the word.

[Antcliff]

Hi Marc

Pleased to meet you. Back to the first word theme I see. If I have understood - this is God creating the Word..the first poem/creation/some such?

I seek a deeper sense, foregone.

Seeking to convey a deeper sense or find? "Forgone" is a bit obscure to me.

Syllables spin wildly
in pervading emptiness,
the ovum of thought
through which I seek to blast
more meaning out of less.

Like this...though I wonder about "pervading emptiness"..is there such a thing as non-pervading emptiness...an emptiness that goes everywhere except the bits that are not empty? A not very empty emptiness? I imagine an empty room - but draw a bit of a blank when I am asked to think of the emptiness as pervading/not pervading. Are we talking of degrees of emptiness (in the ovum?)

Cheers,
Ant.

[OwenEdwards]

Ant, space is empty but also very full .

Marc, I like this. I don't think it's an entirely original gambit - God as poet by his word/Word, allowing the poet to claim poetry as divine - but it's well executed.

[Antcliff]

Ant, space is empty but also very full .

Well..degrees of emptiness it is then..space can't be completely empty whilst also very full. However, it can be a little under-occupied in regions..emptyish..with only a few stray space whales heading onwards, bellowing, dodging wildly spinning syllables and clouds of commas.

Fun Marc...IMHO you could do a bit more with the serpent.

Cheers,
Ant.

[Marc]

Hi and thanks.
Actually this has little to do with God. The God Particle is the name given to the Higgs bosun particle. As I understand it ( and Ros has a far better grip of science than me!) the Higgs bosun is the missing link in the theory of all matter.

The idea here is that words are only an attempt at locking up an idea in a form we can grapple with. The actually ideas are like the space in between all those spinning protons /electrons etc (the space that in fact makes up the majority of everything...),

As poets (me? Hmm...) we seek greater meaning than that assigned to words by a dictionary.. We seek to provide additional sense, expand or refine.

I wanted to compare poets searching for meaning with scientists seeking the Higgs bosun.
No religious intent at all, except by a reference to the bible stating in the beg. was the Word.
Pretentious Moi?

Of course if you have to explain your stuff, you ain't made it plain enough..

Cheer
Marc

[Marc]

Quick change of title to point the way more clearly ( I hope!)
Thanks
Marc

[Antcliff]

I wanted to compare poets searching for meaning with scientists seeking the Higgs bosun

.

Okay, but perhaps you are still (to use an expression that seems to crop up) "overtasking" the text here? For example, you close with two references to serpents. Don't you think It would be hard to read such a concluding stanza and think that the above comparison was the main business of the poem?
Cheers,
Ant

[Marc]

Hmm, not sure - it's only one reference to a serpent really but with the explanation that the serpent needed words to communicate.
And whilst it's true this closing stanza clearly references the bible it's meant as a tongue in cheek reference to the alternative name ' The God Particle'

Cheers
Marc

[Arian]

Hi marc,

Reading from the bottom up, you get this...

In the beginning was the word,
lying without shape or form,
(for the serpent to be heard),
the tree, the fruit, the serpent.
For you know that before
more meaning out of less,
colliding to blast
the ovum of thought,
in pervading emptiness.
Syllables spin wildly,
a deeper sense, foregone.
By tidy words, he seeks
in thoughts constrained
of his lexicon,
through the broken atoms.

personally, I think it works just as well. Palindromic poetry - a world first?

cheers
peter

ps - it's boson, by the way. I think a bosun is a member of a 19th century merchant ship's crew (smiley)

[Marc]

Hi Peter,
Excellent rewrite! I think i might write all my poems backwards from now on!
And boson of course you're right. Although there's that argumentative tongue in cheek bit of me that wants to say it was a deliberate reference to the poet as a sailor on an ocean of words blah blah blah on the other hand - yep, my mistake!

Cheers
Marc

[OwenEdwards]

Marc, I didn't assume it was actually particularly to do with (a) God; I was more commenting on the trope God/Word/poetry/beginning.

[David]

Marc, I really like this (especially the bit of sly rhyming that's going on). Musically, it works wonders for me. The meaning comes through as a bit confused, to me at least - I can see the things you're gesturing towards, but I'm not sure you've brought them together into a coherent whole.

But hey, that's the message of the poem, isn't it? It's a metapoem! (Which, in my ignorance, I think is a poem that does what it's talking about.)

Cheers

David

[Arian]

a metapoem! ....I think is a poem that does what it's talking about.

yes, or - more generally - simply includes itself in its own terms of reference.