I have nothing left to give

[Skript]

floating on a cushion of air, reddened with age & despair,
the last leaf sinks to earth
as a wounded soldier in mortal combat, bleeding through his gear, seeping strength through fear
sunlight wanes as the darkness draws near, behind blackened eyes she stares,
a shower of sand rains on her hair, hidden from the above she sheds a tear, no one is there
you took my all, selfishly without a care, run along your path my dear
barren fields cannot yield even under the farmer's glare
you took my all, selfishly without a care, run along your path my dear


I have nothing left to give

[Rachel]

Hey.
I found your poem quite hard to read. There were too many "I have nothing left to give"s for me personally, and I wonder if more form to the stanzas could be a good idea? I'm sorry this is not too positive, but honestly I found it hard to know how I felt about it because of how difficult it was to read.
Love Rachel

[Skript]

Thanks Rachel,

I altered the format.

[Rachel]

Hey
I enjoyed it much better this way. My favourite line was "run along your path my dear." Maybe you could seperate this from the rest of the text? It seems to speak the most of all, don't you think?
Love Rachel

[PassiveThreat]

I like this poem quite a lot, especially the repetition of "run along your path my dear". The rhyming pattern is quite interesting too, though, in some parts, to me it seems as though it was put in just to fit with the poem.
I like the context, though.