Poetry Forum

An inky vortex of emotions,
hidden words,
packed tight.
Turning feelings into shapes:
Circles and lines,
Crosses and dots.

Your motions are memories,
ups and downs,
underlinings.
Movements moving people,
pushing away
and calling home.

But drained by passing time and paper,
You fade and fail.

I really liked this - had to read it a couple of times to properly appreciate the analogy.

Wondered though about 'movements moving'...seemed a little awkward?

Thanks for the comments I'll have a think about that line. I played with a few alternatives, maybe I picked the wrong one.

F8

hello Figure Eight,

I too enjoyed this in its simplicity. My opinion: the words seem more effortless in the second and third stanzas. "Inky vortex of emotions" and "feelings become shapes" just struck me as a little run ofthe mill, I guess...

- Caleb

Thanks for the comments, as always they are much appreciated. I'll have a think about how to improve those lines.

Cheers

F8