Brief Encounter

[Nash]

.


Let’s see now, Thursday.

Aah, of course, Laura today.

Poor, doe-eyed Laura. She really is almost too easy,
such a little fool. Pretty, in her own funny way;
but desperate,

so terribly desperate. Of course, she fell instantly
for the doctor routine, they usually do.

Tell them how much you care for those in need,
add a little scientific nomenclature
gleaned from Stephen’s medical dictionaries.

Pneumoconiosis, indeed.

If you look deeply enough into their eyes
the words just melt away, like butter
on a toasted Bath bun.

It’s week six, so today the park.
The boatman knows the score by now,
I’ll slip him a shilling for the use of his shed,
he’ll have it all at the ready, the stove lit,
tea, milk, even sugar. I often wonder
whether the boating mishap
is becoming stale; but it’s difficult to be wary
of a chap in a wet pair of brogues.

Soon I’ll take her to Stephen’s rooms.
He can be a queer old bird at times,
almost as though.........
No, I shall wait until he’s out and he’ll never know.

Then after the deed is done, in which exotic land
will I be healing the sick? Somewhere absurd,
South Africa? A fictional brother in Johannesburg?

And funny little Laura will return to the suburbs
and one day, a Thursday, she’ll visit the bridge,
cold and alone. I wonder if she’ll notice
those notches in the stone.





.

[Wilcken]

Hiya Nash,

Well this is a chilling little bit of psychopathology, innit? The voice is there right away, and I have to imagine your intent is to go straight for melodrama so I won't critique it at that level but take it as a given. So much so that the scale tips from the sexual escapades of a cad (does anyone use that word anymore? I love that word!) over to serial killer. I'm surprised at the end when Laura reappears on the bridge because I'm assuming she's long gone and dead by then. Sleuth that I am, that surprise brings me back to the beginning to read through again.

So it begins with the planning, and the narrator's foreknowledge that it will be "Laura today." So then this makes me think this encounter has already happened before with her, and this set up must happen on a regular basis with a variety of girls, as Laura is characterized: "She really is almost too easy." Also going to the impression of a series is the use of "them" and the interchanging of future and past tense with Laura.

On the topic of Laura, I think something more specific than "desperate" would perhaps be a little more evocative. Maybe I just want a more diabolical villain, and for me this would be picking up on physical visual cues (like the doe eyes, which could be cliche in another context but work here for me). I guess I think it takes an odd mix to make a bad guy, a little of the dumb and obvious, paranoia, a penchant for the detail of cold calculations, and some off-kilter genius. That's my bad guy though, We all get our preferences. I think "Pretty, in her own funny way;" is a line that works well because it resembles the sort of chiding that occurs in real-world relationships, which we can imagine the narrator fantasizes on whatever limited level he might care to.

The doctor routine seems one of many personae also. Stephen would seem to be his roommate (?) and he works as a supporting character to reveal the ruse of the doctor, but he also brings some practical matters up for the poem. First, it seems unnecessary in a poem of this length to introduce this question:

He can be a queer old bird at times,
almost as though.........

(plus the fact that anything beyond the three dot ellipses is a personal pet peeve of mine unless it serves some other purpose)

Then there are the pragmatics. This event is going to begin in the park but eventually end in Stephen's rooms. This is another reason I think it becomes more a story of rape/serial killer rather than mere seduction, with the plan being doctor-meets-girl, stages boat accident, takes her to the boat shed for a quick tea to recover, but then finds reason to bring her home -- or by "rooms" do you mean to imply offices? Whatever he's done, he flees afterward:

Then after the deed is done, in which exotic land
will I be healing the sick? Somewhere absurd,
South Africa? A fictional brother in Johannesburg?

which could be the sort of lie to keep a person from attempting future contact, but that seems a bit over the top if all he's done is have a little casual sex. I have to add that, barring any other unmentioned aspect of the con, say she is a vulnerable adult, I would hold her equally accountable to her own participation. Unless this is meant to be a period piece, and the boatman lends a bit of that, as do the brogue shoes.

So it is this aspect of repetition that is one the one hand creating the character and his constructed scene, while at the same time the details are occluded to the degree that the poem becomes more ominous than the old notches on the stone (belt, bedpost). I can't tell which reading is your intent.

Oh my. I've gone on and on here...hope something amongst all of this is helpful to you. There are many flourishes of Nashian internal rhymes and rhythms that serve the poem well, so I don't want to leave that unsaid. The "toasted Bath bun" makes me wonder if I missed a fantastic bakery in my quick tourist stop in that town a few years ago.

At any rate, plenty to like here, even with my endless deconstructions.

Wilcken

[Nash]

Thankyou very much for the careful read and detailed crit, Wilcken. It's very much appreciated.

Hmmm....It's fascinating to read your sleuth-like analysis. I wasn't banking on this particular piece of British whimsy not being known over in the US. It's based on a very famous film from the 1940's, which was itself based on a play by Noel Coward. It's usually held to be one of the most romantic films, being about a married woman and a married man that meet by chance in a railway station in 1938. They then go on to meet every Thursday and fall in love over a period of a few weeks, until the man moves to South Africa. Here's a couple of links:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Brief_Encounter

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Il8B6E9FzSE

It's one of my favourite films (..if not, the favourite) and when I was watching it the other day I realised that there is nothing in the film to say that the Trevor Howard character is not actually a complete cad and just stringing her along. He's not, of course, it really is the most romantic film ever, and I feel such a cad for even suggesting otherwise!

I just thought it might be fun to show the film from a different angle.

Thanks very much,
Nash.

[Antcliff]

it really is the most romantic film ever, and I feel such a cad for even suggesting otherwise!

Indeed, this is an outrage sir. As I read on I began to think..surely this is not suggesting that TH is anything other than a gent of the highest calibre!

[Nash]

I do apologise sir. I was fully aware with this post that some upstanding gentlemen, like your good self, may demand satisfaction!

Sometimes my inner cad just gets the better of me.

[Antcliff]

I do apologise sir. I was fully aware with this post that some upstanding gentlemen, like your good self, may demand satisfaction!
Sometimes my inner cad just gets the better of me.

Good to hear. A slippery path you were on...what next, a sonnet saying that Mary Poppins joined them in a threeway?

Yours,
Lord Cadaver

[Wilcken]

That's hot.

[Suzanne]

Nash! An outrage! Poor Celia. I watched the film last year on Oskar's recommendation. Excellent. Painful.

But your poem? What could this mean? What could this mean?
You are telling me that men, intentionally... methodically, deceive for the attention of a doe-eyed female?


A dangerous game for said male, a dangerous game.

[Suzanne]

I liked it. I liked that it kept me engaged wondering if it really was about the movie... And if it could be true about the character. And I did recall that the good doctor had no filmed clips of his life, I also noted that as I watched it.

Nice poem and I am prompted to watch the film again.

Thanks, Nash.
Suzanne

[brianedwards]

Nash,

just a flying comment, but I felt this was so reliant on context it that wasn't repaid in interesting language.
Reading without the title, the confusion doesn't inspire investigation.
Ultimately: dull.

Much overrated film imo.

B.

[Macavity]

I thought it was fun, made me think of Graham Greene's Pinkie at times in the voice and conceit. I liked the toasted bun simile.

mac

[Nash]

Good lord, Seth. Bringing Mary Poppins into the mix? Tut-tut-tut, that's shameful......yet, as Wilcken says, slightly hot.

Thanks Suzanne. Yes, the film is all from the viewpoint of Laura and as she seems to be completely enamoured by Alec.....and as he seems to make all of the moves (which may be only seemly considering the morals of the time).....I just wondered.

Cheers Brian. I completely agree, it is a poem with a very niche market as it is totally dependant on the context. It's probably not one that I'd include in a submission, but I enjoyed writing it. Having said that, I can forgive you finding the poem dull. But the film overrated? Never! Based on a play by Noel Coward. Directed by David Lean. Incredible cinematography by Robert Krasker. Superb performances, Joyce Carey is worth the admission fee alone! I'm sure you'll completely agree with me but.....Brian, you have no soul!

Thanks Mac. Fun's good enough for me, just what I was going for, cheers. I wasn't going for quite the sociopathic tendencies of Pinkie, but I recently re-read Brighton Rock so I wonder if a bit creeped in.

[Antcliff]

Light fun, yes, but I wonder whether there could be a sequence inverting classic brit films in this way? Of course it would need a poet who is also a film buff with an interest in narrative poetry. Know anyone in that category?
seth

[Magpie Jane]

Nash, I haven't seen the film, but I think your poem works excellently all on its own.
The storyline has a free and natural flow, and everything is readily visualised, so in a way it presents its own film.
And yes, this is deep-dark stuff. You always do that so well. Must be that inner cad you mentioned.

I enjoyed this one very much, and I admire your dexterous conversion of the "source" material.
Your inner cad is a very cool writer.

Jane

[Nash]

but I wonder whether there could be a sequence inverting classic brit films in this way

Hmmm...interesting idea, Seth.

Your inner cad is a very cool writer.

Thanks ever so, Jane. Don't tell my inner cad that though, I'll never hear the end of it.

[Nicky B]

*gasp* *gulp* *gasp*

Really do you think? Playing the long game? It can't be. It was never consummated so I'm sure if this was the case he would have tried again.

I can't comment on the quality of the poetry I'm afraid, I'm too preoccupied sharply in taking my breath.

[twoleftfeet]

Hi, Nash,

First off, it's been yonks since I saw the film so I couldn't relate to any of the plot details.
If it wasn't for the title I would have found the period difficult to place: because of the missionary reference My first though was the Victorians/Edwardians but I expect a shilling would have been worth too much then, and suburbs (although an old word) suggests later (to me)

I certainly wouldn't have associated the stiff upper-lip repressed sexual tension and steaminess of the BE film, where the lovers ultimately "do the right thing", with the cynical and calculating behaviour of your N. I'm not sure how you can make
the link, tbh.

The film is a celluloid time-capsule of attitudes and behaviour that have gone forever. I seem to remember enjoying it, but I expect that, as time goes on, people will find it harder and harder to relate to.

For those who remember the details of the film well (and who don't mind nasturtiums being cast upon the heroic Mr H)
the poem probably works a treat.
I can certainly imagine Mr H reading it - you have done a good job with the language and tone, IMHO.

Geoff

PS My favourite romantic film (it only get a 6.2 on IMDB) is The Truth about Cats and Dogs

[David]

Sacrilegious! But brilliantly sacrilegious. The only downside for me is that, in giving the voice entirely to Trevor, you (inevitably) neglect Celia, who is terrific (and not really a doe-eyed little Laura at all).

But great fun, and very well done. I like Seth's idea of a series of these.

Cheers

David

P.S. I assume you've seen Victoria Wood's spot-on version ... ?

[Nash]

Thanks very much Nicky, Geoff and David and sorry for the late reply.

Really do you think? Playing the long game?

No, not really. I would never think that! Their love is as pure as the driven, and all that. Just playing around with an idea.

and suburbs (although an old word) suggests later (to me)

I wondered about that myself, Geoff. Thanks for picking up on it. I'm not too sure what would be a suitable 1930s replacement though?

Cheers David. No I hadn't seen that clip before. The other woman (the one that's not Victoria Wood - is her name Celia something?) has the voice spot on, doesn't she?

[twoleftfeet]

and suburbs (although an old word) suggests later (to me)

I wondered about that myself, Geoff. Thanks for picking up on it. I'm not too sure what would be a suitable 1930s replacement though?

Nash, I meant later than Victorian/Edwardian. "Suburbs" is fine for circa WW2 (imho).
I didn't realise how ambiguous my post was.

[Nash]

Nash, I meant later than Victorian/Edwardian. "Suburbs" is fine for circa WW2 (imho).
I didn't realise how ambiguous my post was.

Aah, I see. I still think it seems a little out of place but I've just checked it on that ngram thing that k-j recommended a while back and it looks fine for the time.

Cheers,
Nash.