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rush-rush-rush (college)

Posted: Thu Oct 27, 2005 5:36 pm
by dandelion.wine
Flyers flutter unhinged from their perch
they tell you not to be too clever
for others own this place, leaving you in lurch
if you think you came at the right time

it's not the ivory tower you thought
sky scraping minds have passed here sure
but their looking down on you in the parking lot
while poster pasters, scream along, earning by the hour

even the library, with its ancient dust
and compressed pages, cripples your soul
for people force you: you must
place figment futures of glory in reserve

hours collapse and time presses short
plastic spastic fingers shutter too late
for the next class is-

Posted: Thu Oct 27, 2005 9:34 pm
by Minstrel
Makes me glad I didn't go to uni and become a plumber instead. As if I had any choice.

Posted: Thu Oct 27, 2005 9:42 pm
by Minstrel
In some way your level of enthusiasm for the school intrudes upon your zest for writing, in this instance.
I think writing should strive to transcend ones sense of isolation. Escapism?.....yes, I think so. Sometimes the only to spread those inner wings.
Keep exploring and keep posting.

David.

Posted: Fri Oct 28, 2005 8:07 pm
by dillingworth
this had some nice elements, but:

the title is quite frankly silly: just call it college.

"leaving you in lurch" is forced - should be "in the lurch", but you abbreviated it to fit the meter. i'd suggest not to try to fit the lines into a fixed no of syllables as it eliminates the need for forced lines.

some punctuation and spelling needs checking - e.g. no comma after "poster pasters", "they're" instead of "their" etc.

loved the combination of "ivory tower" with "sky-scraping minds", stopped it becoming a cliche.

you've inspired me to write a poem on the vicissitudes of scholarship, thanks.

Posted: Mon Oct 31, 2005 2:49 am
by alex69williams
"hours collapse" - I like that. Wish I'd thought of it.

Al