Poetry Forum

Patch the Cow -
so named for her single splotch -
trundled through the open gate.

(Jimmy would be glassed for that.)

Will it be Long Lane
Or Congleton Road,
she lowed to herself

(I omit the question mark realistically);

Long Lane with its shady corn,
or Congleton Road,
with the waterhole down the hill.

(So she wondered.)

And so, she wandered non-committal
away from the decrescendo of cattle,
marking her journey with dollops of spittle

(I imagine she remembered her Hansel & Gretel),

and Patch the Cow lumbered past
the red wooden sign swaying
in a classic Swettenham breeze

(which is light, fragrant and made of Cheshire),

and this was the entrance to The Dining Rooms -
an upmarket restaurant with advance bookings only,
which was running low on steak

(Jimmy would be glassed for that);

and Patch, whose real name was 146-03,
blinked as the last of the mosquitoes fled.
She looked around the packed refectory.

(All knives clattered floorward, except the chef’s.)

and Patch, whose real name was 146-03,

I liked the real name line and the concluding line with the chef (the other bracketed lines I thought intrusive. distracting from the narrative). In fact on re-reading I left out the brackets.

cheers

mac

Hi Stuartryder,

I'm kinda with Mac on the paranthetical lines. I'm sometimes inclined toward using them myself, in this case I'm not sure who Jimmy is or whose voice or POV is represented using that technique of interspersed commentary. It's almost like a screenplay approach. I like the introduction of her real name 146-03.

I'm not sure that there's enough here for me to buy in to this cognizant cow's "ruminations" (ha ha ha...)

What I get as the storyline is that Patch escapes and is deciding on her destination, one pasture over the other, but instead settles on the restaurant. "Refectory" only makes me think of a church so that confuses me a bit.

Not sure of the overall intention of it, but those are a few thoughts from my reading of this.

Wilcken

Stuart, my cher amigo -

I never could resist a good cow poem. I kid you not. Cows are some of my favourite people.
And
I really like this story of Patch 146-03 and her adventure. It's a good narrative (please don't tell me it's a parable or metaphor or somesuch, ey?), keeps a consistent form, and is even perfectly believable.
Yea, even her movements are genuinely bovine: she trundled, wandered, lumbered.
At first I wasn't too enthused about the bracketed statements; but having read the whole story, I think they make sense.
My favourite bit is your description of the "classic Swettenham breeze".

Moo

Jane

Wilcken wrote:Hi Stuartryder,

I'm kinda with Mac on the paranthetical lines. I'm sometimes inclined toward using them myself, in this case I'm not sure who Jimmy is or whose voice or POV is represented using that technique of interspersed commentary. It's almost like a screenplay approach. I like the introduction of her real name 146-03.

I'm not sure that there's enough here for me to buy in to this cognizant cow's "ruminations" (ha ha ha...)

What I get as the storyline is that Patch escapes and is deciding on her destination, one pasture over the other, but instead settles on the restaurant. "Refectory" only makes me think of a church so that confuses me a bit.

Not sure of the overall intention of it, but those are a few thoughts from my reading of this.

Wilcken

Funnily enough you're not the only one who doesn't get jimmy. It seemed obvious to me but I'll look at that again. Thanks.

There isn't really an intention as such; as magpie says it doesn't have hidden depth. Just a little 'curiosity killed the cow' tail. Part of something I'm cooking up.

Stuart

I don't get the Jimmy thing either. The ending made me laugh and I loved these lines

And so, she wandered non-committal
away from the decrescendo of cattle,
marking her journey with dollops of spittle

(I imagine she remembered her Hansel & Gretel),

Lol. Jimmy is the Village Idiot!

Thanks raymilland.

Stuart

I found this enjoyable

Not overly keen on the bracketed lines, nor so on the Jimmy part- I did not know, until you stated it, that it was the village idiot, still, I'd prefer it without- but its your poem, just my personal preference.

stuartryder wrote:And so, she wandered non-committal
away from the decrescendo of cattle,
marking her journey with dollops of spittle

(I imagine she remembered her Hansel & Gretel),

I too found this the highlight of the poem- really nicely done.

The use of the cows cattle number was also a great idea.

If anything I found the ending a little to sudden, but I suppose that was the intention- the cow suddenly stumbling into the restaurant- I just found the jump between stanza's a little sudden.

Overall much to enjoy.

Thanks for the read.

Best Regards

Vincent

Vincent Turner wrote:I found this enjoyable

Not overly keen on the bracketed lines, nor so on the Jimmy part- I did not know, until you stated it, that it was the village idiot, still, I'd prefer it without- but its your poem, just my personal preference.

stuartryder wrote:And so, she wandered non-committal
away from the decrescendo of cattle,
marking her journey with dollops of spittle

(I imagine she remembered her Hansel & Gretel),

I too found this the highlight of the poem- really nicely done.

The use of the cows cattle number was also a great idea.

If anything I found the ending a little to sudden, but I suppose that was the intention- the cow suddenly stumbling into the restaurant- I just found the jump between stanza's a little sudden.

Overall much to enjoy.

Thanks for the read.

Best Regards

Vincent

Thanks Vincent, glad some bits hit the spot. Trying to work out how to omit the parenthetical bits without losing some of the best lines!

Stuart