Backward

[ray miller]

At seven they reckon you're too old
for adoption. I look on your head
so clinically tiny and lost inside
that bicycle helmet, trailing behind
by four years in reading and writing;
at your inside out and backward dress
patterned with pie and snot and think
on all the words that you’ve forgot from one line
to the next; recall daily reports
of doors slammed shut and fingers bit,
the roars and kicks of two year old tantrums
that last for ever and say surely
that must count for something?

[camus]

"At 7 they reckon you're too old"

At first I thought you were referring to the fact/thesis that by the age of 7 everything we have experienced in that time is set in stone and psychologically undo-able?

Perhaps you were?

The imagery used paints the picture of the child well, but I got a little lost with the specifics towards the end?

Do you need "and say" ?

[Oskar]

Ray

Give me a child until he is seven and I will give you the man.

L2 – preposition. Should that be AT your head, rather than ON your head?

I particularly liked -

your inside out and backward dress
patterned with pie and snot and think
on all the words that you’ve forgot from one line
to the next

That’s very good to recite. Lots of forward momentum and well expressed.

Not sure about your ending. Doesn’t leave enough hanging there for me, but I’ve probably had an empathy bypass.

Regards

[Vincent Turner]

Hi ray.

I agree with oscar in regards to the highlight of this piece. It really is very good. I also found the ending a little too sudden. I know you cover this theme or this subject matter, however it always feels fresh. That is a skill.

Best regards



Vincent

[Macavity]

hi Ray
I read this as bureaucracy counting the years and not the individual, that the potential of the child is sliced off and defined at a point in time. In terms of form, I particularly liked the progression from one line to the next. In regard to the long sentence and punctuation, well I guess the style is yours....

mac

[Ros]

I read it as a heartfelt plea, and think it works well. Is it really not possible to adopt children older than 6? That's dreadful.

Ros

[David]

Yay, I've reached the point where I can parrot the words of others without shame (and without a word of a lie).

I read this as bureaucracy counting the years and not the individual

I know you cover this theme or this subject matter, however it always feels fresh.

Is it really not possible to adopt children older than 6? That's dreadful.

I think the detail of the "inside out and backward dress" is particularly moving. I like the poem a lot.

Cheers

David

[Antcliff]

Ray,
lovely I thought.
For this: you make me care about this seven year old. Who knows, it may be the snot.

seth
p.s. I am reminded a little of that famous Charles Causley poem about the child who seems to have lost out from the start.

[ray miller]

Thanks for the comments. Just to clear up any confusion, I'm not saying it isn't possible for "older children" to be adopted but it becomes an increasingly unlikely prospect after about 5 years of age. I recently found out that there are only 50 - 80 potential adopters in the whole country and, understandably, most of them will want to take on children of a younger age. So at 7 you've next to no chance.And then, of course, 75% of adoptions break down.

Kris - I think I need "and say" to establish that I'm making a response.I'm trying to argue - in desperation! - that though this child is 7 in chronological age she's really only 2 or 3 developmentally, which in theory improves her prospects.

Oskar. I chose "look on" for the half rhyme with "reckon".It's thought these days that if a child remains in an environment of neglect, abuse beyond the age of 3 then their life chances are slim indeed.

Vince. The "must count for something" at the end is meant as a plea for people to count backward, to knock time off for bad behaviour, if you like.

mac. I think I've been reading too many of David's long sentences. I've shortened it a wee bit.

And thanks, Ros, David, Seth.

[Ros]

To me it looks better if numbers are spelled out in words. just a thought,

Ros

[twoleftfeet]

Ray,

I agree with Oskar about "look on" (half-rhyme not withstanding).
How about "ponder", would that work?

at your inside out and backward dress
- I think this would scan better as "at your backward and inside-out dress".

patterned with pie and snot and think
- my kind of line in every conceivable way!

Another uncomfortable and thought-provoking piece about a taboo subject. You do them so well.

It's tragic that children with such problems are measured against what is (statistically) "normal".
Reading and writing are the least of her problems.

Geoff

[ray miller]

Ros. I've changed numbers to letters.

Geoff. Good to see you back. I quite like "look on"

at your inside out and backward dress
- I think this would scan better as "at your backward and inside-out dress".

Really? I don't think that works at all!

[David]

mac. I think I've been reading too many of David's long sentences.

Hey!

Geoff. Good to see you back.

Agreed.

twoleftfeet wrote:at your inside out and backward dress
- I think this would scan better as "at your backward and inside-out dress".


Really? I don't think that works at all!

No, me neither.

[twoleftfeet]

twoleftfeet wrote:at your inside out and backward dress
- I think this would scan better as "at your backward and inside-out dress".


Really? I don't think that works at all!

No, me neither.

Well, my excuse is that I've had the mother & father of a cold and - clearly - it's still affecting my head.
I can't believe I wrote that yesterday - it's b********.

[Lake]

Hi Ray,

I read it a while ago, but just didn't have time to respond.

I very much like the substance in this piece and all the details which are vivid and authentic. It reminds me of Children's Home Society, an adoption organization. I am acquainted with a a few adoptee parents and see their joys and frustrations in raising their children. Some of them I think have great hearts who take care of not only the normal kids but those like the one in your poem.

Best,

Lake

[ray miller]

Thanks, Lake.We've adopted two children ourselves, in addition to our 4 "biologicals" and now we're fostering again. I have to say that at the moment there are plenty frustrations and few joys.

[Macavity]

I think this version is more compact Ray, though re-visiting I noticed 'inside' used prominently twice.

mac

[ray miller]

Thanks, mac. I hadn't noticed that. I shall change it to "lost within" when I'm allowed to.