Poetry Forum

This that I am a product of,
Dissillusions everyone, satisfies no-one,
Failure you avoid, that is I, That is he,
Push the system to disarray,
Boundaries restricting more as I grow,
But restricted to my actions and never to my mind,
Your answer to disobediance,
Only self-punishment,
For the further that you push us,
The further we can reach.




Ok i'm new to this so excuse the format aswell I wasnt sure how to do that.

Any feedback would be excellent thank you. And titles would also be great.

BIAA

Thanks for posting your poetry

It would have helped however, had you titled it, as after reading it 5 times I'm still none the wiser. Is some of it to do with materialism, depression or parentally governed issues maybe?

Can you explain it?...That's a genuine request not a sarcastic one, as then maybe we can come up feedback and an effective title for you.

BEST REGARDS
SEAN KINSELLA

ok sorry bouts that.

well basically its in reference to the way in which myself and my current partner are constantly critisized and rejected because we do not live in the current conventional society.

We live by our own rules and open our hearts and our minds to everything - even if its not the type of thinking that most people are aqcuired to.

And also saying that the more they reject us and push us away then the more we realise that we really dont want to be a part of that movement and we can delve more into ourselves and what is really important.

I hope thats ok for you.

It sounds as if it could have been written from a prison cell, especially after taking your name into consideration. The last two lines summed it up quite well - I remember the feeling.

"A man's reach must exceed his grasp,
Or what's a heaven for?"

Robert Browning - Andreo del Sarto

BIAA

For a title, how about 'Open Door'?

and I'd keep the last two lines and re-work therefrom, with a view to using same as the first two lines of the new poem.

BEST REGARDS
SEAN KINSELLA