Poetry Forum

Frozen Kiss

The tress that once were great,
Are now even greater while white,
The snow has mounted the grass,
Frozen are the hearts who wonder,

I saw the rain wash away the beautiful mask,
I mourned the days that the sun came out,
My frozen kiss is forever on your hand,
But now that time is over, i have to leave,

I am your snowman,

Trying to think of a new stanza for this, or do i leave it alone? *hmmmmm*

I would say this is a serious improvement.

.tg.

Now that i have finialised it-

The trees that once were great,
Are now even greater while white,
The snow has mounted the grass,
Frozen are the hearts who wonder,

I saw the rain wash away the beautiful mask,
I mourned the days the sun came out,
My is forever sealed on your palm,
But now that time is over i have to leave,

I am your snowman,

(Possible Stanzas)

Next year, may we meet up again, my love,
You can pile me up, and dry your eyes,
But as it does every year the sun will dawn and i will fade,
My childhood freind, this burden is my fate,

For a short time at least i can know,
That i can keep you smiling, so bright,
Year by year i will witness your growth,
Untill you dont build me anymore,

When you have daughters or nephews or sons,
Maybe in winter they will visit,
But remember i live in your dreams and your thoughts,
Every single christmas,

I saw you last night,How old you have grown,
I was forged by your children, but you saw me alone,
You whispered your cold breath in my ear,
"ill miss you my love" one frozen kiss, as you dissapear,

I am your snowman.

I'd keep it simple dude, and leave the 'possible' stuff out - it'll just drive you mad. Stick with what works, and the original just works...ending in a comma even adds character.

- Caleb