Poetry Forum

I will still be here
When you finally realize
That it is I who gently softens
The truth of what you call lies

Yet to be known to you
I will still be here
To calm your raging anger
To dry every stinging tear

When it is burning passion
That fills your darkened soul
I will still be here
For you to brutally hold

When miracles cease to exist
And constantly I fear
The sound of your very breath
I will still be here


---Kaitlin Jones

WOW, powerful emotive stuff Kaitlin, has a warm loving feel but at the sametime tinged with darkness.
Ian

Like the use of the refrain line Kaitlin. This poem also appears to have been carefully worked on - which is a good sign. However, I do find it a little abstract. Expressions like 'darkened soul' for example are rather vague and (to me) a little cliched.

Poetry is normally improved by "showing" rather than "telling". Or as Ezra Pound put it: 'Go in fear of abstractions'.

Cam

Thanks for the comments. This was definitely supposed to be an emotional poem and actually I didn't spend much time on it. It was just kind of there, in my head. I agree this poem is abstract and a little vague, but that is pretty much how I wanted it to sound. I kind of wanted to make the reader speculate on the meaning behind the words. But I also agree poetry is best when it is "showing" not "telling." Thanks again guys!