Poetry Forum

I collected all the words you said
And kept them in an ivory box
To sift through when winter came
Winds whistling through the lock

The time you said you loved me
That Christmas under the evergreen
Needles sticking in my feet
As we kissed for eternity

This Christmas I'll carve the turkey
And serve a portion for one
It seems those words weren't worth keeping
Christmas alone is no fun.

That time you said it would last forever
When we were lying in each others arms
The night time drunks rolling home outside
Inside contentment becalmed

The bed seems so empty now
That there's only one of us left in it
Well you know where you can shove your forever
If you can find exactly where you left it.

That time when you said that we would have children
Some family to call our own
The hours we spent practising
Splicing the X and Y chromosomes

Now I can leave that to genetics
Because the nursery I painted lays shut
If you took out all the words that now meant nothing
It seems to me that all I'd be left with is an empty box

Hi Steve

This is quite a nice 'Positively 4th Street' type poem. For me, it works best when you highlight unusual and particular details such as the pine needles, the x and y chromosomes and the passing drunks. I'm less keen on the slightly more predictable empty bed and turkey-for-one.

Thanks for posting, look forward to more.

Cam

I really liked the rhyming scheme in this poem though there were a few lines that seeme a little off. The emotion in the poem was pretty strong and I really liked the way you hinted at certain things but didn't actually come out and say them. Very good.

Steve,

I agree with cameron, the 'cliched' terms do distract from an otherwise enjoyable poem, love these lines:

Now I can leave that to genetics
Because the nursery I painted lays shut.