Poetry Forum

Careless whisper chill my thoughts.
The curling wind whisking my sense of urge and
passion.
Has love engulfed me in this stream
of flowing rush?
Desire to touch, to trace the outline of intwined shadows.

Your soaking breath, your seeping words,
leek, leek, bleed,
drown me lower, lower, slower towards
the symphony within you.
The masterpiece of your love line.
Life line.
Love was never ordinary.
The diamond mine with the otherside.
The fainest glimpse of a smile in a star.
The ivy shrine of silk thorns.

You made me float inside a fool.
I climbed, you never let me look down.
Your touch caressing my trembling frame.
And your eyes
were falling grace, misplaced in this dark drizzle.
I placed my heart upon your lips.
Drowsy distraction,
tumbling greed.
Selfish infants im wondering masks.
Is this real?
Tear me in a snap,
torn from your roaring orchestra.
The addiction of love.

Louise Webster

A bit pompous and melodramatic for me. I can't find anything for me in it. It's decent but doesn't have that spark if you know what I mean.

Thanx for the read

I'm quite partial to freeverse.

Some nice turns of phrase here. For me too, rather loose in structure; I'm sure it would benefit from being knocked into a shape that gave it some rhythm, there's good material to work with - but beware of the leeks they may cause indigestion! Leslie.