Poetry Forum

Always three minutes late running for that bus
Which materializes frustrations of a goal I've never had
All the more dear it seems for love to have forgotten
the way her lips break open and how thoughts
are shaped Still not all matters equally For me late fall

means saying farewell to the leaves discarding the sun
I try to unsmile in a nonglancing look in my eyes
There's this fear that predicting contingency takes away
her possibility to fulfill In a way of my own I've probably read
too many romantic stories Smoothed the edges
around the bends I sit right in the middle of her silence
don't read romance books No more do they come in handy

Ewan,

I don't think you're taking the feedback seriously, why keep posting without punctuation? it's just goddam wrong.

This is too much 'trying to be a poem', and it reads like one. It ought to 'be a poem' and read like an intelligble one.

camus wrote:Ewan,

I don't think you're taking the feedback seriously, why keep posting without punctuation? it's just goddam wrong.

Experimenting with Cummings' style a lot:)

Thanx for comments guys

"Experimenting with Cummings' style a lot:)"

Fair enough, but I don't think just writing without punctuating equates to emulating mr cummings. If you take a closer look at his work you'll see his unpunctuated work is structured, it is readable.

cheers
Kris

Well, isn't that just a fine fuck you.

Never got too confused by cummings. If you're trying to emulate him, I'd say you need to work a bit harder on it.

To be constructive, I'd say I don't think form poetry transposes well into a web forum, the margins and indentations get all screwed up.

Anywho.

Cheers,

K.