Landing in Brussels

[David]

Icarus has landed
up in Brussels, just
where the watery Netherlands
are starting to dry out.
That was a Sunday morning
of subdued conversation,
slightly hungover after
a night on the Mannekin-Pis,
another reckless flight
with an ignominious end.
Our bones ached
where we had fallen to earth,
but what stars we had seen
before we fell.

[Jackie]

David,

I enjoyed this, with its hints of illicit fun.

And I like the landing lines with stress on the last syllable, that bring home Icarus' plop:
[center]are starting to dry out
on the Mannekin-Pis
ignominious end.
we had fallen to earth[/center]

Jackie

[dedalus]

No interfering bloody sun in Belgium!

[Antcliff]

I enjoyed it.

I especially liked the core morning after the partying/Icarus image.

Falling from the sky = big hangover rather than slight one?

It could however go on a bit longer maybe...more on the stars seen, extending the metaphor?

Seth

[Macavity]

I enjoyed this too David. The mention of watery seemed apt with the statue and other liquid refreshment. There are a few has/had constructions, but I guess that conveys the 'subdued' tones. Would nebulae/galaxies add too much exaggeration to the familiar stars? Probably.

Some lessons are best not learned.

cheers

mac

[David]

Thanks, all. I found this languishing in an old notebook, and wondered whether it was worth saving. Perhaps it is. (Even with the pretentious - if slightly obscured - Auden reference.) There's not much to it, though. Just enough, maybe. (More, Seth? Hmm.)

Cheers

David

[Antcliff]

Just enough, maybe. (More, Seth? Hmm.)

Want more.

Seth

[Elphin]

I think it needs more, the Icarus metaphor works but I am not entirely convinced with a poem that to some extent depends on a pun on Manekin-Pis. Are you? Is that why it was languishing in the notebook?

cheers

elph

[dafra]

Sorry elf, I thought the Icarus metaphor weak. He drowned whilst escaping. I suppose not following the sage advice of your father and drowning in alcohol on a stag weekend and the fall has some resonance. Reminded me of the film 'In Bruges' where there definitely was a flight and fall

[ray miller]

Nice ending and these lines stand out
just
where the watery Netherlands
are starting to dry out.

But why has he landed up in Brussels, not down?

[David]

I am not entirely convinced with a poem that to some extent depends on a pun on Manekin-Pis. Are you? Is that why it was languishing in the notebook?

I think you're on to something there, Elph!

Dafra, I think the point of the Icarus story is not that he was escaping. That's merely incidental. The point is that he suffered for flying too close to the sun. No?

But why has he landed up in Brussels, not down?

Good point, Ray! That's just my idiom, I think.

Cheers all

David