Poetry Forum

I don't measure years by seasons,
but by the visits of Mr Kelvin.
Once a year, for thirty five,
he brings the autumn
with his bag of piano tuning bits.

We share reflections on the weather,
I serve a cup of tea. I listen,
sitting in the sun lounge,
as he sets the keyboard,
twiddles, plays a fragment
of an old tune when he's done.

And that will be it for another year,
his fragment will be all.
She whose piano it was
has now been dead for six years.
She whose piano it is.

Intimidatingly moving, Seth, and rather lovely as a sort of memorial aside.
Particularly like

'he brings the autumn
with his bag of piano tuning bits'

and

'that will be it for another year,
his fragment will be all.'

Well done.

Iain

This is a very interesting piece. I especially like how you used the solemn piano tuner
to describe the coming of autumn. Very reflective piece, Seth.

Like Iain, I like

'he brings the autumn
with his bag of piano tuning bits.' (One nit, you may not need the word piano in this line)

I should add that I liked this very much.

Mike and Iain, thank you very much.

Mike, yes, I think you are right about "piano" not being needed. Good spot.

Iain, glad you thought it worked as a memorial. Written whilst a piano tuner was here. Okay his name is Mr Grey, not Kelvin. It is a memorial piece, a relation.

Seth

Why Kelvin, then? Made me think of temperature scales, which distracted (but that's probably just me!) Enjoyed this, very nice twist to the ending.

Ros

ta, Ros

Why Kelvin, then?

"Mr Grey" seemed too symbolic. But if Kelvin is distracting and I can now see it might be..


Seth

I know what you mean by

Once a year, for thirty five,

but it feels a slightly uncomfortable way to say it.

Ros

This is quite lovely.
You are so good at these snap shots that speak of so much more than their immediate particularities.
No nits, it's perfect

(Other than perhaps I'd omit the comma after 'sun lounge'.)

Like

1lankest wrote:This is quite lovely.
You are so good at these snap shots that speak of so much more than their immediate particularities.

You see! What did I say? ...

Seth, once I'd written this - or even when I was writing it - I told myself that it was a Seth poem, by which I think I mean something apparently small and parochial but with far greater import than you realise at first.

Like so. And, in this one, the last line is wonderful. An inspired modulation.

Cheers

David

Luke,
thank you.
And the comma is gone!

David,
thank you.
Glad about that last line.


Both,

something apparently small and parochial but with far greater import than you realise at first.

much more than their immediate particularities.

And it is lovely to have such fine readers. Hooray.

Seth

I had the same thought as Ros about Kelvin. Mr Steven would be nice.

And that will be it for another year -
a fragment is all.

Maybe?

Nice ending. Don't like the title, bit pretentious?

Thanks, Ray.

Pondering that suggestion..

and the title question. Ha!

Mr Steven? Tempting...especially because there is a somewhat local poet called Mr Kenneth Steven who flogs a lot of poetry books about Iona...but it would be introducing a misleading rhyme at the start would it not? Hmm.

Ros,
thank you..still pondering that "thirty five" point.

Seth