Poetry Forum

The puzzle pieces seem
to take up the entire room, and some
fall off the table and assume
the aspect of debris.
Survivors of a small catastrophe.

And now your hand, astute,
judicious, building from the base.
Like a slow wave moving through space
and making it all well,
a whole egg from a shattered shell.

Well might one attribute
to God or plain dumb luck the puzzling
becoming of an ocean scene
where previously cat hair and crumbs had been,
but it's just you, operatic, mute,
unraveling.

Hi k-j

I like the broken rhyme scheme here; it seems appropriate for the title. It adds a little more mystery to the piece. Not that I have a clear idea of what’s going on, but somehow that doesn’t feel important.

S3 has me most confused, because I’m left uncertain regarding the narrator’s feelings towards the “you” of the poem. I was expecting a clue to help me - perhaps I haven’t spotted it.

I’ll revisit, to see if enlightenment dawns (or is offered).

og

Very good.
I love the imagery in stanzas one and two, especially the hand as a wave through space.
I think line one of stanza four is a mouthful and could be improved.

to God or plain dumb luck the puzzling
becoming of an ocean scene
where previously cat hair and crumbs had been,"..........these lines are super.

I think the ending is intended to juxtapose the coming together of the puzzle by the hand of a person who is, conversely, coming apart both physically and mentally. If I'm wrong on that I have no idea. But it like it all the same.

Luke

Really good.

1lankest wrote:I think the ending is intended to juxtapose the coming together of the puzzle by the hand of a person who is, conversely, coming apart both physically and mentally. If I'm wrong on that I have no idea. But it like it all the same.

That's what I thought I got from it too. And yet it wasn't at all what I was expecting, which was more like some sort of benevolent force for good than anything unraveling. (Two x l in unravelling?) So an interesting surprise there.

The juxtaposition of "operatic" and "mute" is brilliant.

Cheers

David

Unravelling as in becoming ravelled, unwound, simplified, travelling in a straight line now?
Like this a lot.
May be a little drunk, though.

Ros

Excellent poem, have to say the unravelling confused me a bit, and I took from it, like others, that the builder was coming apart, literally or metaphorically. Only other titchy thing is 'becoming''. The puzzling becoming seems a bit cumbersome to me.

Excellent poem

Mrs k-j: I liked your puzzle poem. I liked how people thought it was about me losing my mind! Ha ha!
k-j: Um. Well they were right. Butitwasn'tYOUinthepoem!

og, nice to see you. Narrator is neutral here, which may be why you're confused. The idea is that as the puzzler makes order out of chaos, their own world is going in the opposite direction - and perhaps the former is a symptom of the latter.

Luke, line one of stanza four? Which line is that? Well done on "gettting it".

David, thank you. I think unravelling or unraveling are fine, no? Same as traveling/travelling?

Ros, yep, got it. Appreciate your making the effort to get drunk before reading my poem, clearly it helps.

steamboats - thanks. You right about "becoming" I think. I'm sure there's a better word for "coming into being". Will think about it.

Oops I meant the first line of stanza three.

Well might one attribute....

Prob just me but it still feels a mouthful. It tangles me up each time I read it