Wild Camp

[1lankest]

Until the crossing, we sauntered
up tracks of flint, clay and fists
of gorse, bridleways firm enough

to pass, unmindful of the waning light.
We frolicked and talked. Signposts
marked the way, no forks or spurs

of boggy ground forced us into
reckless turns. Ramblers clutching
maps and flasks came and passed,

smiling as they were just as sure.
It was a walk like any other: cattle
loomed, limped on, uninterested.

Robins heckled from twiggy hides;
our cheeks reddened in the wind.
I often think of us this way – sketched

in Pre-Raphaelite repose, defiant
on the blustery ridge, holding hands
until dawn, leaving no note.

[Ros]

I was lost at 'fist', I'm afraid. It seems to be becoming a very popular term in poetry for anything remotely rounded. Plus, 'frolicked'? Doesn't fit with pre-Raphaelite for me.

Yours grumpily,

Ros

[1lankest]

Oh dear, coat time!

Didn't know fist was over used. Gorse bushes do resemble them though, in my experience.

Yes frolicked is incongruous I guess.

Cheers,

Luke

[Nash]

Hello Luke,

I'm inclined to agree with Ros about 'fists'. I didn't know it was becoming overused but I'm having difficulty imaging a gorse bush being fist shaped. Also, unless I'm mis-reading the poem, the word fist gives an aggressive undercurrent which doesn't seem to match the tone of the rest of it.

I do like the sense of Romanticism you're invoking though. Worth tinkering with.

Nash.

[Macavity]

I liked the simple parts Luke. For instance, the cattle that take a look and then walk away disinterested and It was a walk like any other. The Pre-Raphaelite repose took me to a more abstract place. Not keen on frolicked, made me think of lambs. Worth perservering with in my view - the signpost being the grounded rather than poetical - but that is just my view.

all the best

mac

[elotrooso]

Hi, Luke.

My biggest stumble happens in the last stanza with the appearance of 'repose'. It may, of course, just be me, but repose (combined with holding hands 'til dawn) takes my reading of repose to something akin to recumbent-or at least sitting. (Waning light to dawn is a long time to be standing on the ridge.) But repose seems a bit dischordant or too sudden, at least. Everything up to to that point has been very active. The title takes me, on consideration, to them having made camp for the night. I think I'd like to see some transition within the body of the piece to the walking having given way to being in camp for the night. (Then, again, maybe that's all gibberish and safe to ignore.)

smiling as they were just as sure. Seems wordy with not a great deal gained.

If progress required fighting through dense gorse, fist might be ok. But with sauntered it seems out of place. I'm with Nash that it is an inconguously violent word for such a gentle, relaxed piece.

Note sure about the last three words...leaving no note. It puts me in mind of the "leave no trace" standard for wilderness hiking and camping. Otherwise, not sure what kind of note might be expected.

All in all, I like the comfortable-with-each-other feel of the piece.

[Jackie]

Luke,

This is intriguing. You usually have an underlying layer of meaning going on, so I’m still thinking about why such a tame setting would be called “Wild Camp,” whether the crossing is real or metaphorical, and what sort of note might have been expected—for whom, and saying what. . .

The "unmindful of the waning light" seems a bit lost. A suggestion: "Unmindful of the waning light, we frolicked and talked."

Thanks—later

Jackie

[Jackie]

It could be said that you go to great lengths to justify the reasonableness of your steps on that day. So is the crossing something violent that happened? Someone died, perhaps—but then, I often think of us this way. Hmm.

Jackie

[Macavity]

Oh dear, coat time!

Didn't know fist was over used. Gorse bushes do resemble them though, in my experience.

Yes frolicked is incongruous I guess.

Cheers,

Luke

I hope you haven't seriously left the room Luke...your poems are some of the many good reads to be found here!

all the best

mac

[David]

Oh dear, coat time!

Didn't know fist was over used. Gorse bushes do resemble them though, in my experience.

Yes frolicked is incongruous I guess.

Cheers,

Luke

I hope you haven't seriously left the room Luke...your poems are some of the many good reads to be found here!

all the best

mac

I was just thinking the very same thing, Mac. Whither hast thou wandered, Luke?

[bodkin]

I PM'ed him, no reply as yet.

I cannot imagine this thread drove him away, his last post is positively jocular... so it must surely be coincidence. Maybe he suddenly encountered a hugely productive community on another site and just naturally wandered off. Probably he'll be back before too long...

Ian

[elotrooso]

I concur in the sentiments of the last few posts in this thread. It is a poorer place without you, Luke. I'm hoping it is just "life" getting in the way as it does sometimes.

[Arian]

This bit...

I often think of us this way – sketched

in Pre-Raphaelite repose, defiant
on the blustery ridge, holding hands
until dawn, leaving no note.

is excellent. Almost a poem in itself.

The rest is very good too, though whether it serves as the 'this way' of the first-rate finale is another question.

Cheers
peter

[1lankest]

Oh gosh! No not gone at all, mere coincidence. Thank you all for your touching messages, both private and public.

I've had a wee dry spell, not helped by being horribly busy at work. Bloody nuisance, work.

Anyway I'll get writing.....and posting!

Luke

[bodkin]

Yay!

[Ros]

[Firebird]

I really like the way this reads. Engaging and understated. I liked it.

All my best,

Firebird

[David]

Oh gosh! No not gone at all, mere coincidence. Thank you all for your touching messages, both private and public.

I've had a wee dry spell, not helped by being horribly busy at work. Bloody nuisance, work.

Anyway I'll get writing.....and posting!

Luke

Good!