I went to a middle class party

[camus]

I didn't bother about the correct
wine to take, make no mistake
I write poetry, I’m stamped!
My pretensions are in the lines I refuse to break
See above
I’m a working class worrier:
I hope Greece will adopt the pound
for some reason and Rioja wine
will always sound like it should:
REOJAH, my lover, my blood…
See below
Hello, I’m off for a lay down on
your wesley-barrell, wake me
when Coldplay has ceased
and the war in the East
is more to the West, shake me
when the cheap wines amass
when your middle starts working
Class!

[ray miller]

I didn't know what a Wesley Barrell was. That must make me proper working class and you an impostor, you impostor.

wake me
when Coldplay has ceased
and the war in the East
is more to the West, - just about perfect

wine to take, make no mistake
I write poetry, I’m stamped! - better this way round? I write poetry, make no mistake

I think it's really good, the only bits that don't really work are the see above, see below.

[Antcliff]

I’m a working class worrier

Loved that line.

[camus]

Ray

That must make me proper working class and you an impostor, you impostor.

Just search for "Posh Settees" that's what i did.

Yes, good suggestion re the switching of lines, works well. Ta.

Seth,

Thanks, I was particularly pleased with myself and that line.

cheers
Kris

[JJWilliamson]

Hi Camus

I enjoyed this poem very much and smiled all the way through. (hope that's appropriate)

I didn't bother about the correct
wine to take, make no mistake ............................A deliberate overcooking of the internal rhymes which sets the mood, loved it.
I write poetry, I’m stamped! ................The poet is labelled and this line could also be a reference to Hardy's Stamp wine range
My pretensions are in the lines I refuse to break
See above
I’m a working class worrier: .......................great line
I hope Greece will adopt the pound
for some reason and Rioja wine .................. Yes to Reojah
will always sound like it should:
REOJAH, my lover, my blood…
See below
Hello, I’m off for a lay down on ................'lie down' perhaps
your wesley-barrell, wake me
when Coldplay has ceased
and the war in the East
is more to the West, shake me
when the cheap wines amass
when your middle starts working
Class!

......................... Clever close


Well, just a thought or two for your perusal.

One to return to.

Best

JJ

[Arian]

wake me
when Coldplay has ceased
and the war in the East
is more to the West, - just about perfect

My thought, precisely.
But there's more to like than just this - the whole thing's very good indeed.

If you must have a nit, I found the linebreak on the last word a bit jarring. I can see the (or a) reason for it, but I think it works as well, or better, without the break.

Cheers
peter

[David]

Thought it was going to be a Noel Coward pastiche! Which would have been wonderfully middle-class. (Upper, that is.)

Damn, can't get youtube thingy to work.

[camus]

Thanks guys, input appreciated.

David, I couldn't have liked it more!

[oranggunung]

Nicely done, Kris.

It’s lots of fun to read and I can’t help thinking it was lots of fun to write.
I wonder if the “see above”, “see below” bits are references to something I should know, but don’t.

enjoyed

og