All hail...

[Dakeyras]

All hail they cried,
As the beast from the pit arose,
Their heads
Touching the bloody soil,
Still damp
From the murderous ravages
Of the previous dusk.

All hail they whispered,
As they stared in mute horror,
At the creature
They had summoned,
Human in stature,
Standard in appearance,
Pain incarnate.

All hail they wept,
Sprawled across the sacrificial stones,
Barely alive,
Mostly dead,
Torn apart,
By the love
Of their new master...

[cameron]

Hi Dakeyras,

Welcome to the forum and thanks for your contributions.

This didn't really do it for me I'm afraid. Wasn't sure what sort of "beast" we were dealing with here: from Bodmin Moor, 666 or sci-fi creature from the Black Lagoon?? If your beast is meant to be a metaphor/symbol for something else, this didn't really come off either.

The whole thing is also rather melodramatic.

Should "They're heads" be "their heads"?

Sorry to be negative.

Look forward to more.

Cam

PS I am indeed an old Hullite - from years ago though - when Larkin used to lurk in the library. Amazing what you can do with a geography degree.

[Dakeyras]

Don't worry about the negativity and thanks for spotting the obvious mistake (now amended). I usually class myself as one of those people who hate those who mix up there, their and they're, and here I am doing it... ho hum.

As you said, not all poetry appeals to everyone, and to be honest this little example was created for a friend's Gothic website. He enjoyed it. There is also another poem in my intro thread. We'll see what crops up at a later date I guess.

The "beast" is purposefully vague, so as to let the individual create their own creature in their own minds.

Is there any particular reason for the 1 poem per day rule? Or did you not want the board being overly cluttered?

I was a French degree Hullite myself.

[cameron]

Just had to check the rules - it's 2 poems per day.

We have found in the past that if members post too many poems at once they tend not to be reviewed.

Cheers
C

[pseud]

Dak -

Welcome.

Ah yes, the poem-per-day limit. It is the subject of some controversy...

With your poem: usually forumites discourage the captilizing of the first word of every line. But seeing as this is "elevated" in some form, we can let you get away with it here.

Saying that it was created for a friend's Gothic site gives it a better context, as the poem didn't do much for me either I'm afraid. If we could somehow get a glimpse as to why everything is worded with such intensity?

- Caleb

[Dakeyras]

As to the capitalisation at the start of every line, I'm not trying to shout or write in some awful newbie/text format, this is just the way I've always written, for the last decade or so, and was how I learned way back in my school days.

The intensity probably came from the mood I happened to be in when I wrote it (which let us just say wasn't happy), and also the main fan base of my friend's site is horror films (which are not overly my cup of tea), and stereotypical americano gothicism, as opposed to the gothic subculture that existed in the UK back in the 80s.

The melodramatic side to it appealed a lot to the individuals who read it, and for me, at the time it just felt right. As I said, I've never really studied poetry since school, and try not to look too in depth into that which I write. All I do is write freely, and let the words follow their own path. If people like it, I'm glad, if they don't, I'm not too bothered, because there's still something about it that I like

[Ray Trivedi]

I like its ambiguous cadence.

Is it about those creature that get created in Lord of the Rings?

[Bombadil]

ahem...

I missed that first part.

Thought I'd dice in, just for Caleb's sake.

[pseud]

Dungeons & Dragons...hmm...good interpretation.

Never played it, though.