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Mix me a Metaphor
Posted: Mon Jan 02, 2006 12:10 am
by Virago
Bartender, bartender
mix me a drink
something refreshing
that might make me think.
I know, I'll have a 'metaphor',
on the rocks, long and cool.
Blimey barman, that's got a kick
it's veritable 'rocking horse fuel'!
© Justine Tennant 2006
Posted: Mon Jan 02, 2006 9:46 am
by cameron
Hi Justine,
This is a nice idea but the punch line doesn't really work for me.
"rocking horse fuel" sounded a bit forced. Something simpler and more obviously "metaphorical" might be better.
Good to see more of your stuff though.
Cam
Posted: Mon Jan 02, 2006 11:35 am
by Virago
Thanks Cam. Interesting that you say it seems forced because this actually happened.
We saw the new year in with my sis and bro-in-law and some Guavaberry liqueur last night and my sister's description of it had me howling, so I couldn't resist committing it to paper!
Never mind, I'll keep it as a blog entry then rather than a poem...
Posted: Tue Jan 03, 2006 7:41 pm
by ki no sei
rocking horse fuel sounds rather an unique expression.
Posted: Tue Jan 03, 2006 11:33 pm
by Virago
precisely! Thank you
Posted: Fri Jan 06, 2006 10:57 am
by twoleftfeet
Presumably the mix is one of "rocket fuel" and "rocking-horse sh*t"?
Could this be called a Harley Wallbanger?
Posted: Fri Jan 06, 2006 12:23 pm
by cameron
Sorry Justine - I was being a bit dim. Mix as in "mixed". Ah ha!
Posted: Sat Jan 07, 2006 3:18 pm
by Virago
twoleftfeet wrote:Presumably the mix is one of "rocket fuel" and "rocking-horse sh*t"?
Could this be called a Harley Wallbanger?
by George, you've got it!
Posted: Sun Jan 08, 2006 4:44 pm
by dillingworth
one minor problem - this is actually a mixed simile, not a mixed metaphor...
Posted: Sun Jan 08, 2006 4:50 pm
by Saul
/
Posted: Sun Jan 08, 2006 5:00 pm
by dillingworth
the way i see it, simile is an explicit comparison that flags itself up as such, using "like" or "as" - a metaphor doesn't draw attention to itself in this way and (i think) is composed of a tenor and a vehicle - the tenor being the thing being described, the vehicle being the thing it is transformed into in the metaphor - here the vehicle would be composed of rocking horses and fuel if it weren't for the "like".
that's my daily pedantry craving satisfied, then.
Posted: Sun Jan 08, 2006 5:03 pm
by Virago
dillingworth wrote:the way i see it, simile is an explicit comparison that flags itself up as such, using "like" or "as" - a metaphor doesn't draw attention to itself in this way and (i think) is composed of a tenor and a vehicle - the tenor being the thing being described, the vehicle being the thing it is transformed into in the metaphor - here the vehicle would be composed of rocking horses and fuel if it weren't for the "like".
that's my daily pedantry craving satisfied, then.
no, I agree, need to change the last line to get rid of the 'like'. I realised that recently. Easily done though. How about now?
Posted: Mon Jan 09, 2006 8:28 am
by dillingworth
that's better: now just add a colon after "kick" and you're immune from the pedants.