A new path

[SteveR]

A new path

Others see you bright and shiny above
the soggy grey carpet of clouds
hanging low over my world.

I hear you walking back and forth
tending your roses, spilling water
that soaks through dirty with potting soil,
staining my shirt, plastering my hair
in unsightly clumps, soiling my shoes.

There is a break in the sky.
I anticipate those coming rays.

I will stand in them
turn my back
see my rainbow.

[SteveR]

Thank you Ros for your poem, No Unicorns. Your lines about turning your back to the sun to see a rainbow triggered these thoughts of my world.

Steve

[Ros]

It's great when one poem triggers another. I enjoyed the slow realisation of what this is about.

[Suzanne]

Hi,

The title works well though not as creative as you could be.
I would lose one of the "soil"s.

And would change sky, clouds is better.
Sky is not a more creative option, it is just more awkward.


I like the idea of this. Recently saw a meme that said:

have the courage to walk away from things that no longer grow you. Seems a similar message.


Thanks, enjoyed. Post more, it's good for you.
Suzanne

[SteveR]

Suzanne, Thanks!

I completely agree. Besides, a break in the clouds gives one, sky, right? A break in the sky gives one ???
I too am not satisfied with the title. Suggestions would be appreciated.

You pegged the message with your quote:
"have the courage to walk away from things that no longer grow you."

Steve