Poetry Forum

tries to untangle the conversation.
with me. the wicked boy far beyond the pylons.
there in the rain. here waiting for my father to arrive
(so we could go back to all the things
we used to do together) or to sing with his Dylan
toned voice. sounding so only within the silence
in my head. maybe he could write a word or two
before the wind sweeps away the postman.
who ate the letter from him because that postman surely is
as wicked as the rustle among his old teeth.

yet between my ears I’m the only one who lost it.
with the “no trespassing” sign on my neck. head
is hot. please. feel my heat. my hands. don’t ask
what burns within the matter. what gravitates the earth?
where the hell did my cigarette disappear from my lips?

words get wet at the outskirts of the tongue. I rebuke
myself for those thoughts although I remember my father
also used to play the guitar with his other hand. and I try
to stick with this memory but deep inside I know
that the postman keeps the most heartfelt letters to himself.

Dzien dobry!

Is this your own translation from Polish to English? I ask because it sounds and looks like it a bit.

If this isn't a hommage to e.e.cummings, then you need to sort out the punctuations.

I like the imagery.

Witam.

It's more of a adaptation of my poem (written in Polish).

And it is a kind of a homage to Cummings. I'm under his influence lately.

Pozdrawiam.

lech walesa to you Ewan.

I've had a few reads through this and found a lot of good stuff. But, in my opinion, it needs a grammatical framework, something to tie it all together and give it a more coherent form. If you're going to use quotation and question marks, why not go the whole hog? A lot of good lines are left 'blowing in the wind', 'with no direction home' (excuse the quotes). The bit that I don't like is, 'words get wet at the outskirts of my tongue.' Just doesn't sound right - to me.

cheers

thanx cameron

Bóg zapłać

My hackles are rising. Again, let's please post "majorally" in English. Border this majorally very near to totally. The more languages we post in, the less accessible we become to new or less lingu'ed posters. I'm all for keeping out the dummies, but this creates a whole new sort of problem...

My two bits.

Bombadil

harrybelafonte, Bombadil, harrybelafonte!

Quite agree.

Lech Walesa was union leader who helped bring down the communist regime in Poland - I don't think it's used as a greeting (as yet).


Ewan - what did you thank Cameron for?

Yup, I know who good ole Lech was. I was not directing my comments at you.

And yeah, why did you?

I thanked for his comment. And "Bóg zapłać" is basically "God bless"

I must be missing something here. Which comment was that then? I don't see any from Cameron - Just curious.

cheers

Wow! Sorry there. I don't know why I read You as Cameron.

Pardon.

And thanx for the comment:)

Must be the teeth - Nice, eh?

Yes, I do look a bit like that first thing in the morning.