Poetry Forum

Hello! This is my second poem on here. I always write in a simple format, i feel the isolation of the reader by using over complication and pomposity is the real last poetical barrier (for me at least). That and i don't know many long words ! hehe.
Thanks for taking time to read.


Death on the Estate

Tradition states

If one dies the paving stone where they were found is lifted

I walk by three on the way to my Nana’s
I see them under the browning leaves
that fell,
far more gracefully than the victims.

Greetings Kpt, simple format, i.e. as far as being comprehensible is concerned, O.K. but why not knock it into a more regular shape?
That second line is unreasonably long, I can't see any benefit to the verse in making it so. I understand, it is 'what tradition states', but right here it needs to fit itself into the verse.
I like the idea behind the piece, it's worth working out.
Don't know your social/family background, what the conventions are, but to me 'Nana' sounds like an infant refering to its grandmother!
I'd like to see the verse with that second line restructured and reworded to suit. Leslie.