Poetry Forum

The loch-side chapels are converted into summer homes.
[tab][/tab]Tiny bells disappear from those small bird belfries
born again as points of interest, architectural features full of air.

Granite bones of faith show off new flesh of board and paint:
[tab][/tab]a resurrection of the Gaelic tabernacles; though
without the song, the bell-call to neighbours who might reply.



v2
The loch side chapels are converted into summer homes.
Tiny bells disappear from those small bird belfries
born again as points of interest, architectural features full of air.

Granite bones of faith regain their flesh of board and paint:
a resurrection of the Gaelic tabernacles; though
without the song, the bell-call to neighbours who might reply.



V1

Kilfinichen


The loch side chapels are converted into summer homes.
Their tiny bells disappear from those small bird belfries
born again as points of interest, architectural features full of air.

Granite bones of faith gain their new flesh of board and paint:
an unprophecied resurrection of the tabernacles, though
without their song, the bell-call to neighbours who might reply.

I like it Seth. Quietly haunting with a sense of the propane.
I especially like 'granite bones' and the ending.

Antcliff wrote:The loch side chapels are converted into summer homes.
Their tiny bells disappear from those small bird belfries
born again as points of interest, architectural features full of air.

Granite bones of faith gain their new flesh of board and paint:
an unprophecied resurrection of the tabernacles, though
without their song, the bell call to neighbours who might reply.

I like it a lot. The ending seems not quite right however. The way it's written, I want to read "call" as a verb. But I do like "bell call" as a noun phrase. Maybe it just needs a hyphen.

Nice long lines and b-sounds in S1.

Can't help wondering how many chapels there would be. Must be a large loch? Nice poem, anyway. Maybe a full stop after song?

I like it Seth. Quietly haunting with a sense of the propane.
I especially like 'granite bones' and the ending.

Thanks, Tristan.
I am assuming that is "profane"?

Thanks,JJ
Yeh, tweaking that ending a hyphen helps doesn't it. Glad about the long lines.

Thanks, Ray
Yeh, indeed, only one at Kilfinichen. Ha! A kind of stand in for the others I suppose. Many free church chapels did tend to be close to the shore, having to be built on less than ideal land not controlled (or so much) by the aristocracy and established church. The closest three of four to where I live are on loch sides.


Tweaking the end. Thanks all.

Seth

Love this. Conversion of sacred into domestic.

PaulSteveLaurence wrote:Love this. Conversion of sacred into domestic.

Thanks, Paul

The tweaks in the revision are a plus Seth. Unlike k-j, I think there are an overabundance of plosives. Not sure about the proximity of gain/again. Other than that muchly enjoyed.

best

mac

Thanks, Mac!

Yeh, have tweaked away the close again/regain.
Pondering plosives.

Pondering plosives.

The life of a poet!

'show off' is terrible

Prefer v.1. Others too specific.

The kil is the Gaelic word for church, I suppose. We have that too. Should "loch side" be hyphenated? (Pondering pedants too, now, no doubt.)

I'm trying to picture a small bird belfry, and not quite seeing where the bird comes in. Do you have pictures?

L4 is - as Mac points out - still problematic. How about "are clothed in" ... that resurrected sort of thing?

Lovely, though.

Cheers

David

Thanks, Paul

Aways the worry...that v1 is the best. Ha!


Thanks, David
It should be hypenated and now is.

Pondering "are clothed in". Hmm.

This is what inspired the "small bird belfry", though now I look at it...I was perhaps thinking of it as a kind of cage.https://www.google.co.uk/search?q=kilfi ... MNO_-xM%3A

Antcliff wrote:This is what inspired the "small bird belfry", though now I look at it...I was perhaps thinking of it as a kind of cage.https://www.google.co.uk/search?q=kilfi ... MNO_-xM%3A

Nope, I think that definitely works.

The loch side chapels are converted into summer homes.
Tiny bells disappear from those small bird belfries
reborn as points of interest, architectural features full of air.

Granite bones of faith regain their flesh of board and paint:
a resurrection of the Gaelic tabernacles; though
without the song, the bell-call to neighbours who might reply.

Just a possible option...

Like the birdie bit...song of a different nature.

Macavity wrote:

The loch side chapels are converted into summer homes.
Tiny bells disappear from those small bird belfries
reborn as points of interest, architectural features full of air.

Granite bones of faith regain their flesh of board and paint:
a resurrection of the Gaelic tabernacles; though
without the song, the bell-call to neighbours who might reply.

Just a possible option...

Like the birdie bit...song of a different nature.

Yes, that would work wouldn't it, Mac? "Reborn" retains the wanted the associations of "born again" but also enables me to return to the earlier (internally rhyming) "regain" in the next line without again/regain doubling up. Good idea.

Seth