Poetry Forum

V2

Each time the villagers came
they never saw the wolf.

Each time they left
the wolf crept closer.

When they came no more,
the wolf consumed the boy.


V1

Each time the villagers came
they never saw the wolf.

Each time they left
the wolf crept closer.

Then they came no more,
and the wolf consumed the boy.

Like it Tristan. The consequences tied in with the circumstances. A thought... 'consumed' rather than 'ate up'. The left/crept rhyme knits well with the outcome.

best

mac

Glad you like it Mac. I like your suggestion, too, and have made the change.

Cheers,

Tristan

I like it. However, I do have a suggestion for you to consider. How about something like this for the ending:

Soon they came no more,
and then the boy was no more.

Wonderful.

I would do this:

when they came no more
the wolf consumed the boy.


Well captured title.
Suzanne

I like.

At first I had a question about the title... because, "loneliness" is the emotion, rather than the condition. So for me, this boy was a victim of "isolation" and the loneliness just a side-effect.

But then I grokked* that you mean the wolf is the loneliness (rather than some real-life predator that he's vulnerable to) so that works very well.

Ian

(* yes, I just re-read "Stranger in a Strange Land" -- must keep using this word...)

X.X. Glad you like it.

Suzanne, really pleased you like it. I like your ending, too, and will be changing it.

Ian, glad you like it, too. Yes, the wolf is the loneliness. The boy is crying loneliness. I thought about calling it 'Crying Loneliness', but went off the idea.

Cheers all,

Tristan