The lie of the land

[Firebird]

On good days,
our dips and ruts disappear
and we are like those fields
which have been levelled-out
by silver ribbons and pools.
And for a time we think we've changed.
But then the silver seeps away,
and the world becomes
uneven again.

[RCJames]

Seems like a piece of prose with breaks. I don't know if you were playing with the title but it's always been the "lay" of the land. RC

[cynwulf]

Liked the title, I'd begun to think 'Lie' was becoming obsolete, but it's right for this side of the wide Atlantic, and the almost stoic melancholy of your poem. Nice imagery of the flooded fields' ridge and furrow.

C.

[Firebird]

Thanks Cynwulf!

RC, often all you need to do to make a poem is chop up some prose. There's nothing wrong with that. I'm no sure why so many people use 'chopped up prose' as a put down. If it works, it works. Obviously, this depends a lot on how poetic the prose is. Lines do add a lot though. They are one of the main things that distinguish poetry from prose.

Cheers,

Tristan

[David]

Good one, Tristan. I'm not always convinced by your political parables - although I generally agree with their sentiment - but this one (as you put it) works.

It's a good image. I think I'll be thinking about while I'm out and about in our wet world this afternoon.

Cheers

David

[David]

I meant to add that the title is a great addition. It acts as a sounding-box (sound-box?) for the poem, helping it to resonate.

Cheers again

David

[Ros]

Thanks Cynwulf!

RC, often all you need to do to make a poem is chop up some prose. There's nothing wrong with that. I'm no sure why so many people use 'chopped up prose' as a put down. If it works, it works. Obviously, this depends a lot on how poetic the prose is. Lines do add a lot though. They are one of the main things that distinguish poetry from prose.

Cheers,

Tristan

If you just chop up prose, surely you get prose that's been chopped up, not a poem? There's a lot more to a poem than just the line breaks. The metaphor works well here, but I think you could improve with a sense of regular rhythm.

Ros

[Firebird]

Thanks David! Glad you enjoyed.


Hi Ros,

I don't think we agree on this one. When some prose is chopped up it can make a good poem. It is too easy to reduce poems to chopped up prose. Often, a lot of thought goes into the rhythm, pace, weight and structure of each line. Sometimes, prose can be chopped up so that each line has a regular rhythm. Regular rhythm (a set number of beats per line) or metre are not always necessary to make a good poem, although some poems definitely benefit from one or the other. There are many good poems though that have lines with irregular rhythm and length and work best that way. It all depends on the effect you are going for surely. Often, natural language just doesn't fall into a regular rhythm and sometimes you want to give more weight to a word and leave it on a line on its own. There are lots of poetic techniques that play around with line length and rhyme. It is an interesting practice chopping up prose into a poem. You should give it a go. The prose doesn't even have to be your own.

However, in this poem I agree with you that some lines are a little clunky and would definitely benefit from a smoother rhythm - lines 4 and 5 are worst, I think. I'm not sure though a regular beat to each line would add very much.

Cheers,

Tristan

[Crayon]

On good days,
our dips and ruts disappear
and we are like those fields
which have been levelled-out
by silver ribbons and pools.
And for a time we think we've changed.
But then the silver seeps away,
and the world becomes
uneven again.

I like it. I see it as a couple's relationship metaphor, rather than David's view that it's political.

The flooded fields simile first applies to "we", but at the end it sort of shifts to "the world".

I think more metaphor can be drawn from that simile. I've had an uncertain fiddle:

In the wake of storms,
our dips and ruts can be hidden,
like low fields levelled smooth
and still by pools of silver.
It may seem that we've changed,
until the reflections seep away
and once again we lie uneven.

[David]

I like it. I see it as a couple's relationship metaphor, rather than David's view that it's political.

Ah yes. I can see that that is a possibility. Tristan is (I think) a frequent poster of political parables, and I lazily assumed this was another one. Wrongly?

David

[Crayon]

I like it. I see it as a couple's relationship metaphor, rather than David's view that it's political.

Ah yes. I can see that that is a possibility. Tristan is (I think) a frequent poster of political parables, and I lazily assumed this was another one. Wrongly?

But surely, like all committed poets, he's a lover AND a fighter.

[Firebird]

Hi David and Crayon,

Until the final two lines, I intended the poem to be read as a simile for individual problems or those of a relationship, but then the final line, I believe, changes the focus and gives it a political reading. So, in a way, you are both right.

Many thanks for your input though. Much appreciated.

Cheers,

Tristan

[Antcliff]

I read it as political. And not simply because you often have political parables. "Lie of the land" rather invites a political reading does it not?

Seth

[Firebird]

Hi Seth,

Yes, I think the title does imply the political but not exclusively though. I liked the idea of this poem showing how often the personal and political are intertwined.

Cheers,

Tristan