Poetry Forum

on a beach,
once full
with treasures,
I find
one ribbed edge
of ammonite,
that curls
in
and in.

Worked for me. the last 2 lines brought that bit of extra depth. The last 5 lines also worked on their own.

D.

Hi David, pleased you like it, and think you are right, it could work with just the final five lines. My only reservation is that if I did that I'd lose the idea that the beach was hunted out of fossils, and that once when the N was a child there were many full annomites to be found, and how this implies (in the form of a full annomite, not just the edge of one) that N was looking forward to a well mapped out future/or one that had lots to look forward to. I know, I'm probably pushing it here.

Cheers,

Tristan

My only reservation is that if I did that I'd lose the idea that the beach was hunted out of fossils, and that once when the N was a child there were many full annomites to be found.

Yes your right, your intention regarding what you wanted to imply to the reader did come across to me.

D.

Hi firebird,

I think adding some color or sound would enhance the whole. Just a thought.

Suzanne