In the Beginning

This is a serious poetry forum not a "love-in". Post here for more detailed, constructive criticism.
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barrie
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Tue Feb 07, 2006 8:02 pm

Later on this week
I decided to stroll back the years,
have a pint in the local,
just to see how things had changed..

‘My God!’ someone said,
‘You’re looking old.’
‘Pale too,’ said another,
‘you look like you’ve just seen a decade.’

I told my tale to open mouths
and closed ears.
With more beers, wider mouths
and drink-opened minds
soaked up my words.

‘You should be here in a minute,’
remarked the landlord,
‘Have you forgotten past habits?’
His words seemed to mingle with froth
patterning the sides of my glass.
Pictures formed and slid away –
Then a question.

What happens when the same body
self-encounters simultaneously.
What arcane laws of physics strain to be unleashed?
Then I realized,
if I’d recognized myself when I came in a decade ago,
I would remember.

I drank up fast, grabbed the door, and opened it.
As I stepped out, I met myself coming in.
Instantly the cosmos rushed into me as time imploded,
I pulled myself together in infinite gravity.
I was no bigger than a grape.
I exploded, and the Universe was born.

I awoke almost fifteen billion years later –
I swear it wasn’t a dream!
Last edited by barrie on Wed Feb 08, 2006 4:50 pm, edited 1 time in total.
juliadebeauvoir
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Tue Feb 07, 2006 8:17 pm

and drink-opened minds
soaked up my words.
This was a nice middle of the day(as it drags on) treat.
Nice twist on back to the future....with ale no less. Enjoyed this one on my break--now back to the grinding mill...

Julia
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barrie
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Tue Feb 07, 2006 11:00 pm

Glad you got something out of it - Thanks for the reply.

cheers
pseud
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Tue Feb 07, 2006 11:29 pm

I have to confess this one confused me barrie.

The leap from bar (pub) to quantum physics to big bang cosmology?
"Don't treat your common sense like an umbrella. When you come into a room to philosophize, don't leave it outside, but bring it in with you." Wittgenstein
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twoleftfeet
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Wed Feb 08, 2006 10:21 am

Barrie,

This is brilliant,

especially

"I told my tale to open mouths
and closed ears.
With more beers, wider mouths
and drink-opened minds
soaked up my words."

(I think the second "and" could be omitted)

Just a couple of suggestions:

"What arcane physical laws lurk to be unleashed?"
- maybe "laws of physics" or "metaphysics" instead?

"I pulled myself together in infinite gravity."
- perhaps "specific" gravity?

The last two lines don't work (for me).
Maybe you can explode into an object, a sweet maybe,
or something connected to the grape?

Cosmic.
Geoff
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barrie
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Wed Feb 08, 2006 4:48 pm

pseud - It's just a simple explanation as to the cause of the Big Bang (honestly).

TLF

I used 'infinite gravity' specifically to describe the primeval atom - the grape. The last two lines are just to let you know who your creator really is (??).
I like your suggestion of 'laws of physics', so that will now go in.

Thanks both.
pseud
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Wed Feb 08, 2006 5:27 pm

Hehe well,

as Julia and Geoff both got this,

I'm thinking I missed something.

Off to read it again...
"Don't treat your common sense like an umbrella. When you come into a room to philosophize, don't leave it outside, but bring it in with you." Wittgenstein
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twoleftfeet
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Wed Feb 08, 2006 5:27 pm

Doh!

I suppose this explain the time-travel of the poet too?

There are zillions of black holes (at least 40 in the Bible alone?)
so does that mean there are zillions of potential
universes-to-be? And is/was this the first one?

Needless to say, I thought the grape was also referring to booze.
I was thinking along the lines of
"I was no bigger than a chunk of chocolate
then, Bang, a Galaxy was born".


Cheers
Silly Person
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Thomas
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Wed Feb 08, 2006 5:33 pm

Later on this week
I decided to stroll back the years,
have a pint in the local,
just to see how things had changed..

‘My God!’ someone said,
‘You’re looking old.’
‘Pale too,’ said another,
‘you look like you’ve just seen a decade.’

I told my tale to open mouths
and closed ears.
With more beers, wider mouths
and drink-opened minds
soaked up my words.

‘You should be here in a minute,’
remarked the landlord,
‘Have you forgotten past habits?’
His words seemed to mingle with froth
patterning the sides of my glass.
Pictures formed and slid away –
Then a question.


Hi Barrie up to where i have highlighted i enjoyed the poem and after there,Confusion set in and i feel it strayed.With saying that i really enjoyed the imagery.

Only my thoughts cheers..

Tom..
Imagination is more important than knowledge,knowledge is limited imagination encircles the world.
Ray Trivedi

Wed Feb 08, 2006 6:33 pm

Made me think of that ad with "rhythm of life", where they de-evolve.

btw, who sings this song?

Have seen Solaris? Might help.

cheers.
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barrie
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Wed Feb 08, 2006 7:23 pm

Thomas

I think we're all confused - full stop.

Ray

Which song are you talking about? I've seen Solaris - but I don't recollect it very well, can't have made much of an impact on me. (unlike the Big Bang).

cheers
Ray Trivedi

Wed Feb 08, 2006 7:25 pm

The song in the Guinness ad I think.
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barrie
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Wed Feb 08, 2006 8:12 pm

TLF

You saying ZILLIONS reminded me of a story.

One of Bush's aides mentioned to him, that two Brazilian soldiers had been killed. Poor old George turned pale, and with trembling hands he leaned over towards von Rumsfeldt and whispered -

'My God, Donald, How many's a brazillion?'
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