Second Cup Of Coffee

This is a serious poetry forum not a "love-in". Post here for more detailed, constructive criticism.
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lotus
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Sat Apr 06, 2019 5:33 pm

Second Cup Of Coffee-shdw-100.png
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“A poem should have the touch ... the way sunlight falls on Braille.” .......silent lotus
bjondon
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Sat Apr 06, 2019 7:06 pm

Enjoyed getting lost in this one lotus,
- the spacing (in : of : the)
- the commodities (coffee : pistachios : silk)
- the three S's (second cup : silk route : silent lotus)
- the elements (rain : rainbows : moss).
Regards,
Jules
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lotus
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Sun Apr 07, 2019 11:39 am

bjondon wrote:
Sat Apr 06, 2019 7:06 pm
Enjoyed getting lost in this one lotus,
- the spacing (in : of : the)
- the commodities (coffee : pistachios : silk)
- the three S's (second cup : silk route : silent lotus)
- the elements (rain : rainbows : moss).
Regards,
Jules
dear Jules

thankyuuu very much,, i enjoy what and how you have captured intricate pieces of the momentary puzzle

a warm smile
silent lotus
“A poem should have the touch ... the way sunlight falls on Braille.” .......silent lotus
churinga
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Mon Apr 15, 2019 10:16 pm

Hi Lotus

My only crit is 'Silk Route' is a crude sexual pun which i assume is not intended.

cheers

Ross
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lotus
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Wed Apr 17, 2019 12:33 am

churinga wrote:
Mon Apr 15, 2019 10:16 pm
Hi Lotus

My only crit is 'Silk Route' is a crude sexual pun which i assume is not intended.

cheers

Ross

dear Ross

thankyuuu

would you feel that Silk Road would be too cliche?
“A poem should have the touch ... the way sunlight falls on Braille.” .......silent lotus
RCJames
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Mon Apr 29, 2019 3:06 pm

silent - Your name at the end is, easily, an essential part of the whole - RC
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lotus
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Sun May 05, 2019 3:14 am

RCJames wrote:
Mon Apr 29, 2019 3:06 pm
silent - Your name at the end is, easily, an essential part of the whole - RC

dear RC

is your reading
that my name is appearing as the name of the Piazza ?
“A poem should have the touch ... the way sunlight falls on Braille.” .......silent lotus
RCJames
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Sun May 05, 2019 3:19 am

is your reading
that my name is appearing as the name of the Piazza ?

No - sorry - I was unclear - the image of (a) silent lotus at the center of the piazza is pleasing to the mind - si? - RC
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lotus
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Thu May 23, 2019 4:38 pm

thankyuuu so kindly
YES

RC
“A poem should have the touch ... the way sunlight falls on Braille.” .......silent lotus
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