It's only me

[Yevgeniya]

I wish I knew how long I'd live
Not for the sake of growing thrive,
It's fear of death, that's always there
Just fools can say that they don't care.

Since I grew up and left the nest
This freedom's been the hardest test.
And more estranged I feel with years
Yet no one's ever seen my tears.

The say regret cannot assist.
Where once was light, now gathered mist.
Rewind the time? I wouldn't dare.
...As if I could. Let us be fair.

To hell with rhyme, it simply hurts
Not being able to diverse
From that unknown what lies ahead.
Sometimes my thinking drives me mad...

I only wanted to explain
That this is how I soothe the pain.
You may critique, you may forget
It's not like we have ever met.

I wasn't hoping I would fit,
In fact, I knew my stuff was shit.
With many thanks I shall withdraw
The muse's been wrecked with public awe.

[cameron]

Hi Yev,

Welcome to the forum.

This is obviously a very personal poem which makes it rather hard to critique. Poetry is a therapeutic occupation, but many poets prefer not to put themselves on display. (I'm sure most of the posters on here have written this kind of stuff at some time.)

One of the main problems here is the rhyme scheme. Rhyme is a very powerful tool and it often takes control of the poet. The first couplet is a good example: the word "thrive" sounds unusual. It has also been deliberately sent to the end of the line to fit the rhyme scheme. Many modern poets prefer to use half/near rhyme as this gives them more options while still providing the poem with a structure.

Please don't "withdraw". Poetry is a craft which can take years to master. The whole purpose of this forum is to help people improve what they do.

Stick around.

Cam

[barrie]

There's plenty of good advice to be had from the folks here - If you stay, you'll learn.

good luck

[twoleftfeet]

Hi Yev,

I doubt whether there are many people on the forum who can speak
a foreign language as well as you speak English - respect.

Don't give up now.

"Diverse" - did you mean "digress"?
"what lies ahead" - did you mean "that lies ahead" ?

Geoff

[Steve]

Doh! Don't feel tempted to leave, Yev. Perhaps you might be upset by that little row the other day, but personally, I've found the people here to be both friendly and helpful, as they have been in this thread

[Bombadil]

Indeed. Withdrawing is not the answer, that is, if you are interested in getting better. Don't let a little pissing match with the forum grump hold you back. It shouldn't.

-K.

[Yevgeniya]

Cam, barrie, geoff and steve.
Thanks very much for your respond. In return to your loyalty, I feel I owe you an apologie, for this rather hursh piece of writing. I am genuinly sorry to make you feel uncomfortable, with these revelations. But there was a reason for this. Only now, when Im calm I realise how unfair of me was to post this, for you guys do help me a great deal. I find it emotionally exhausting somehow to post anything here, for I really feel that Im attempting something that I can't quite pull of. It's no fault of yours of course, it's just me being too ambitious as usual. At the same time,I would hate to leave, because I find the atmosphere of the forum very pleasant, more so inspiring. I shall keep trying anyway. Once again, my sincere apologies, and thanks for you understanding.
Yev

[Yevgeniya]

Bombadil.
My apologies to you as well for provoking that silly argument. As the youngest, I should have stoped it by simply not responding in an overfamiliar way.
It's just the "shitwit" that made me angry.
Sorry.
Yev

[pseud]

indeed - Geoff has a point, I hadn't thought of that. To master a second language well enough to write any poetry in it is an accomplishment. For this language to be an unruly language like English...well, that's even better.

I think what would help is simply reading poetry. I don't know how much you have, but the general rule of thumb is that no one's read enough. I know it helped me to measure myself against other poets - poets here and in books. Maybe just one poem here or there to read and enjoy many times, then explore the reasons why the poem works and what the poet has that you lack.

I know it sounds like common sense but it's a hard habit to get into.

- Caleb

[Yevgeniya]

Hi Yev,

I doubt whether there are many people on the forum who can speak
a foreign language as well as you speak English - respect.

Don't give up now.

"Diverse" - did you mean "digress"?
"what lies ahead" - did you mean "that lies ahead" ?

Geoff

Geoff, I guess I meant digress, but then no dictionary explains how to use words in different contexts, so I make this mistakes quite often(placing unsuitable verbs or nouns in sentences) that's the how I learn, I guess.
And yes, it's "that lies ahead", didn't really see the difference before you pointed that out.
Thank you very much for help and support. I appreciate that.
Yev

[Yevgeniya]

indeed - Geoff has a point, I hadn't thought of that. To master a second language well enough to write any poetry in it is an accomplishment. For this language to be an unruly language like English...well, that's even better.

I think what would help is simply reading poetry. I don't know how much you have, but the general rule of thumb is that no one's read enough. I know it helped me to measure myself against other poets - poets here and in books. Maybe just one poem here or there to read and enjoy many times, then explore the reasons why the poem works and what the poet has that you lack.

I know it sounds like common sense but it's a hard habit to get into.

- Caleb

Caleb, Thank you for this piece of advice. I do read poetry quite often, including everything you guys write, I shall get this into a habbit tho, as you say:) thanks again
Yev

[Ray Trivedi]

I would recommend "Bernstein Reverse Dictionary".