Poetry Forum

What a crowd! What a crowd!
- I can see it, you can see it
but the fake news back there
will say it's just a handful,
Tremendous lies –they’re all liars –
Believe me – MSM, CNN, UN..umm...N, FAKE NEWS!

FAKE NEWS! FAKE NEWS! FAKE NEWS!

The HUGEST! This is a record crowd!
I can't even see the Uhh, whadayacallit?
the horizon, just heads and shoulders
with thousands, maybe millions
of those red hats;
What do they say people?
MAGA - MAGA - MAGA
That's right,
MAGA - MAGA - MAGA

This is, what I'm about to, believe me,
to tell you is very very important.

A bird just told me
no no not Big Bird
although you never know
you know?
That’s a possibility
but this bird – it was blue
maybe a blue bird
who knows – who knows?

But it told me very very clearly
even with the worm in its beak
huge worm – I’m serious
even with the worm – it could speak
and let me tell you
It was a big worm – as big
if you can believe it –
as big as a quarter pounder

MY FAVORITE by the way – the best
GREAT – really GREAT
with double size fries – fries double size
GREAT – THE BEST
so it was – as I said – a worm – and uhh
It told me very clearly in my mind
wait – wait
the worm didn’t tell me – I wanna make that clear
uhhh – it was the bird – the bird told me this:

We're going to get, whaddaya think?
I'm serious, we're going to get the WALL!

Mexico sent the first check, it's at the bank,
the bank is processing the check,
Pesos are hard to break into dollars,
so many 0's,
and two other countries have promised,
such good news I can't hardly
believe it, to give VERY LARGE DONATIONS!
no problem. Done deal!
The wall, FINALLY, will solve
every problem, so we will have no problem
because - and I will tell you why,
My ADMEN-STRUASHUN is the best
the ABSOLUTE BEST
the best in history - Lincoln was good,
but he had too many problems,
the war, marriage, kids, nervous,
he was very nervous,
the swamp swallowed him.

So, that's taken care of
we'll have a big beautiful WALL.

Now there are things here
we've got to take care of, like
this homeless thing, a DISASTER,
awful, a DISGRACE, psycho cases,
really sick people,
gangs of murderers, rapists
and other bad, VERY bad people.

It's horrible,
horrible for world leaders
of world countries,
other countries in other parts of the world,
good, BEAUTIFUL countries, to have to see them
on the way to their hotels,
my hotel, the best in the world,
and the airport. I'm looking at this
very seriously, it's been going on
for 2 years, maybe more, at least,
minimum, huge problem, HUGE!
Just one of the many many, huge number
of problems I got from Obama,
who did nothing about any of it.

We've been cleaning up the White House,
lotsa good, GREAT! changes, like the Obama
portrait? It's, gotta be done, coming down,
we discovered from beautiful sources
that it was painted by a painter
and his great great grandmother
was from Ulgonda, or Ugornda, doesn't matter,
foreign country, not USA, a shithole country
compared to our glorious, the most beautiful country.
and we are taking it down to make room
for a BEAUTIFUL painting of Ivanka
and her children,
great great kids, for the future,
not the past. Done!
Love you all, love you MUCHLY!

After this 4th of July extra-extravaganza,
other countries are going to think of me,
a GREAT LEADER, Lincoln and me together,
Putin and me, Kim and me, great leaders!
TOGETHER! Me and the best leaders
that have ever been leaders.
And they'll remember the tanks,
what a great noise they make,
like music, heavy but great music!
And they're new! - NEW Sherman tanks,

The fireworks like a war like a real war!
I like a war that we're winning, stupendous!
and now we're going to ride those tanks
into any country that thinks about sending
their people to our border,
after our tanks get there
they'll never think about it again - DONE!
finished, a beautiful ending to a beautiful idea,
I will have other great ones, but this
is too beautiful, too BEAUTIFUL!
and you know those tanks can turn
on a dime - we've got a WINNER!!

You're a great crowd! Love you!
MUCHLY! HUGELY
12 more years! 12 more years!



(original)
What a crowd! What a crowd!

the HUGEST!

Love ya MUCHLY!!

This is, what I'm about to, believe me,
to tell you is very very important.

A bird just told me
no no not Big Bird
although you never know
you know?
That’s a possibility
but this bird – it was blue
maybe a blue bird
who knows – who knows?

But it told me very very clearly
even with the worm in its beak
huge worm – I’m serious
even with the worm – it could speak
and let me tell you
It was a big worm – as big
if you can believe it –
as big as a quarter pounder

MY FAVORITE by the way – the best
GREAT – really GREAT
with double size fries – fries double size
GREAT – THE BEST
so it was – as I said – a worm – and uhh
It told me very clearly in my mind
wait – wait
the worm didn’t tell me – I wanna make that clear
uhhh – it was the bird – the bird told me this:

We're going to get, whaddaya think?
I'm serious, we're going to get the WALL!
Mexico sent the first check, it's at the bank,
the bank is processing the check,
and two other countries have promised,
such good news I can't hardly
believe it, VERY LARGE DONATIONS!
no problem. Done deal!

That's taken care of, now
things here, there are things here
we've got to take care of, like
this homeless thing, a DISASTER,
awful, a DISGRACE, psycho cases,
really sick people, it's horrible,
horrible for world leaders
of world countries to have to see them
on the way to their hotels
and the airport. I'm looking at this
very seriously, it's been going on
for 2 years, maybe more, at least,
minimum, huge problem, HUGE!

We've been cleaning up the White House,
lotsa good changes, like the Obama
portrait? It's, gotta be done, coming down,
we discovered from beautiful sources
that it was painted by a painter
and his great great grandmother was from
Ulgonda, or Ugornda, doesn't matter,
foreign country, not USA, and we
are taking it down to make room
for a BEAUTIFUL painting
of Ivanka and her children,
great great kids, for the future,
not the past. Done!

After this 4th of July party,
other countries are going to think of me,
a GREAT LEADER, Lincoln and me together,
Putin and me, Kim and me, great leaders!
TOGETHER!
And they'll remember the tanks,
what a great noise they make,
like music, heavy but great music!
And they're new! - NEW Sherman tanks,
the fireworks like a war like a real war!
that we're winning, stupendous!
and now we're going to ride those tanks
into any country that thinks about sending
their people to our border,
after our tanks get there
they'll never think about it again - DONE!
finished, a beautiful ending to a beautiful idea,
I will have other great ones, but this
is too beautiful, too beautiful!
We'll look back at it
in the middle of my 6th term as a turning point,
and you know those tanks can turn
on a dime - we've got a WINNER!!

Time for ice cream yet?
3 scoops today,
3 scoops just for me,
it was my idea,
I'm going to drive the limo later,
Today, Today is the best the BEST!
I AM BEAUTIFUL! BEAUTIFUL!




Time for ice cream yet?
3 scoops today,
3 scoops just for me,
it was my idea,
I'm going to drive the limo later,
Today, Today is the best the BEST!
I AM BEAUTIFUL! BEAUTIFULL!


(original)
GREAT day for a rally
what a crowd the HUGEST!

Ahh – love ya – love ya much
muchly

SOMETHING IMPORTANT HERE
very very important

A bird just told me
no no not Big Bird
although you never know
you know?
That’s a possibility
but this bird – it was blue
maybe a blue bird
who knows – who knows?

But it told me very very clearly
even with the worm in its beak
huge worm – I’m serious
even with the worm – it could speak
and let me tell you
It was a big worm – as big
if you can believe it –
as big as a quarter pounder

MY FAVORITE by the way – the best
GREAT – really GREAT
with double size fries – fries double size
GREAT – THE BEST
so it was – as I said – a worm – and uhh
It told me very clearly in my mind
wait – wait
the worm didn’t tell me – I wanna make that clear
uhhh – it was the bird – the bird told me this:

FAKE NEWS – INTEL – SPOOKS
FASCIST BASTARDS – OBAMA
Obama Wamma – not even American
not good - BAD
FAKE – false – not true
let me tell you folks - I KNOW
I know better than anybody in
THE WHOLE COMPLETE WORLD

Believe me –Tremendous lies – they’re all liars –
FAKE INFO MASHUN
Paid for by LYING HILARY
and her cheating husband
BUT – there’s gonna be a big surprise – PAYBACK
BIG BIG PAYBACK

It’s all fake digital – digital is fake
that’s what - FAKE - PHONY - PHALLASHIUS
My ADMEN-STRUASHUN is the best
the ABSOLUTE BEST
the best in history
so here’s the deal – there is no deal
The real deal is – do what you want – MY WAY

Thank you – Thank you – you’re the best
GREAT! – GREAT! – BEAUTIFUL!!

It seems pretty clear that you are trying to write in the diction of Donald Trump. I like the idea of the poem, but too many lines don't sound like Trump to me. In my opinion, you don't quite capture his overwhelming narcissism, his self-serving phoniness, proclivity to just state as a truth whatever momentary thought he has, or his insecurity. Also, the progression of topics seems a little strange. You'll have a great poem if you can nail Trump-speak in a convincing way.

Hello,RC

I think the bird/worm/burger verses are brilliant,showing how Trump grasshoppers from one random thought to
the next yet there's an insane continuity to what you have written.
After that it kind of reads like a bit of a list of bullet-points until the final verse.They are funny but that insane continuity isn't there (imho).I haven't sat through enough Trump-speke to know how accurate your portrayal is - here in the UK we have our own bunch of buffoons to worry about.

Thanks for the laughs - I'd love to hear Alec Baldwin read your poem.

Geoff

Thanks to both of you - I'll work on it for that Trump word salad effect - RC

.
Enjoyed the revision, RC (especially 'world leaders from world countries'), more coherent, if that isn't horribly misusing the word
but the ending is a bit of a let-down/unnecessary I think.


TWEET! TWEET! RE-TWEET


What a crowd! What a crowd!
- I think you could slip a fake news/msm reference here.
Tremendous lies –
they’re all liars –
Believe me – msm fake news

the HUGEST!
- find it hard to believe that N wouldn't make more of this, given the inauguration. Did he thank the band?

Love ya MUCHLY!!

This is, what I'm about to, believe me,
to tell you is very very important.

A bird just told me
no no not Big Bird
although you never know
you know?
That’s a possibility
but this bird – it was blue
maybe a blue bird
who knows – who knows?

But it told me very very clearly
even with the worm in its beak
huge worm – I’m serious
even with the worm – it could speak
and let me tell you
It was a big worm – as big
if you can believe it –
- would N actually ask this question of his audience?
as big as a quarter pounder

MY FAVORITE by the way – the best
GREAT – really GREAT
with double size fries – fries double size
GREAT – THE BEST
so it was – as I said – a worm – and uhh
- I like the 'uhh' but maybe they could have started sooner?
It told me very clearly in my mind
wait – wait
the worm didn’t tell me – I wanna make that clear
uhhh – it was the bird –
- sounds like N'd repeat 'blue bird' here?
the bird told me this:

We're going to get, whaddaya think?
I'm serious, we're going to get the WALL!
- Maybe leave a line here (pause for applause)?

Mexico sent the first check, it's at the bank,
the bank is processing the check,
and two other countries have promised,
such good news I can't hardly
believe it, VERY LARGE DONATIONS!
no problem. Done deal!
- maybe a little bit longer, a line or two. Can't believe N would move on so quickly.
My ADMEN-STRUASHUN is the best
the ABSOLUTE BEST
the best in history
so here’s the deal – there is no deal

That's taken care of, now
things here, there are things here
we've got to take care of, like
this homeless thing, a DISASTER,
awful, a DISGRACE, psycho cases,
really sick people,
- surely N would stick in some (anti-) immigrant and criminal references here?
it's horrible,
horrible for world leaders
of world countries good countries to have to see them
on the way to their hotels
and the airport. I'm looking at this
very seriously, it's been going on
for 2 years, maybe more, at least,
minimum, huge problem, HUGE!
- No President in history ever had huger problems. ?

We've been cleaning up the White House,
lotsa good changes, like the Obama
portrait? It's, gotta be done, coming down,
we discovered from beautiful sources
that it was painted by a painter
and his great great grandmother
- (the painter or Obama?) Could be both. Neither. Either.
was from
Ulgonda, or Ugornda, doesn't matter,
foreign country, not USA,
- would N let USA go without saying how great it was?
and we
are taking it down to make room
for a BEAUTIFUL painting
of Ivanka
- feels like there should be a horribly long pause after this.


and her children,
great great kids, for the future,
not the past. Done!

After this 4th of July party,
- party doesn't seem grandiose enough
other countries are going to think of me,
a GREAT LEADER, Lincoln and me together,
Putin and me, Kim and me, great leaders!
TOGETHER!
And they'll remember the tanks,
what a great noise they make,
like music, heavy but great music!
And they're new! - NEW Sherman tanks,
the fireworks like a war like a real war!
that we're winning, stupendous!
and now we're going to ride those tanks
into any country that thinks about sending
their people to our border,
after our tanks get there
they'll never think about it again - DONE!
finished, a beautiful ending to a beautiful idea,
I will have other great ones, but this
is too beautiful, too beautiful!
We'll look back at it
in the middle of my 6th term as a turning point,
- don't think you need this line. Takes one out of the moment.
and you know those tanks can turn
on a dime - we've got a WINNER!!

I think the final stanza undermines everything. Cut it and
it's a job well done. Though given the War of Independence
Airports, reality may have you beat

Regards, Not


.

Not - lotsa good points - but after the initial surge one gets wrapped up in revulsion and loses interest in
trying to improve on perfect idiocy - you run out of jokes and energy trying to unravel yourself from
the dread. What is partly so off-putting is that his criminal behavior is becoming normalized. I'm hoping Kamala
will slice and dice him in debate. It's deeply disturbing that anyone, let alone his base of millions can support
his savaging of our country's purpose, tradition, and identity. So, I'm loathe to give him any more space
in my creative life, though I may well feel another surge to portray the travesty of his reign. - RC

Hello,RC

I would also be inclined to end on "WINNER".

I'm laughing muchly,but he's the Leader of the Free World - so I ought to be crying!
If Boris Johnson gets to be PM here, I expect him and DT to do a double act -"The Blonde Buffoon Brothers".

Did you ever do one on George Dubyah? If so I'd like to read it.

Cheers
TLF

I had another go at it - incorporating more of the crowd in call and response sections. Probably OTT but it started out there. - RC

.

HI RC,
excellent work. Hope you had a long lie down

Maybe change the title to Presidential Oration (unless you've been cunningly sticking
to twitter character limits in each stanza).

Not convinced that you need the call/response elements (and distinguishing a response
from CAPITALISED Trump is distracting. Apart from MAGA and FAKE NEWS I'd
simply cut the rest. They interrupt the madness (plus one can almost hear them anyway).
Would suggest replacing
OOOO - OOO -- YAH! - OO YAH! - OO YAH!
with
Love you all MUCHLY!! (It read like it's in the wrong place).

And:

Pecos are hard to break into dollars,

the best in history - Lincoln was good,
but he had too many problems,
the war, marriage, kids, nervous,
the SWAMP
he was very nervous.

good, BEAUTIFUL countries, to have to see them
on the way to their hotels MY HOTEL, the best
in the WORLD and the airport.
I'm looking at this

After this 4th of July extra-extra-vegas-gance-ganza,

The fireworks like a war like a real war!
I like a WAR that we're winning, stupendous! (stupidous?)

on a dime - tax CUTS top 5% .5% 500%
saves you money we've got a WINNER!!

GODDESS America


Regards, Not


.

.

Hi RC,
not much to add

... except
maybe a crowd response of BUILD A WALL after 'beautiful wall',
and ending with the crowd chanting WINNER! WINNER! WINNER! ?

(Preferred the gap after Ivanka.)

but the fake news back there
will say it's just a handful,
- I don't think you need 'just a handful' (doesn't sound right and works without it).

Regards, Not


.

I have to say that I think you're trying to satirise the unsatirisable, RC. Nothing you can invent could be as ridiculous as what he comes up with himself on a regular basis.

I agree with your sentiments, but I think you're wasting your breath.

On the other hand, it may have been a healthy outlet for your frustration. Can't argue with that. Better than just shooting him. I suppose.

Cheers

David

You're right - no argument from me.

The only purpose in wriiting it, is, really, to show anybody who follows
him what a splattered crumb he is, but they would never read it.

There's some satisfaction in finishing the project, but there are so many
different projects that would satisfy more.

"Preaching to the choir." - RC

Hi RC, some good workshopping here - the effect
quite Zappa-esque.
I thought the original had something going for it
purely as a sort of crazy sales presentation thing being
delivered by a moron for a room full of morons, but once
it clicked it was Trump the impact diminished but there was
this interesting game of wondering how much of this might
possibly be verbatim. I was going to suggest a collage of
straight transcripts would do the job (probably done already).
But actually your revision seems to have gone one better, stoking
and staging both the madness and the authenticity to just
the right point where we don't see the join.
One suggestion: repeat your first two lines as your last two aswell
(so end on 'HUGEST')

Having said that, the evil genius would probably buy the script off
you with a big thumbs up
What might be more effective is to use your open-tuned guitar/brain
to convert this into a sort of sung/chanted delerium (after a lie down!)
Perhaps you will only be cheering the choir up but there's an outside
chance that sufficiently well-crafted small incisive cuts do have an impact.
The aim of every demagogue is to shock his opponents into silence.
Trump has found a particularly original way of doing this.

I stumbled on one of the best anti-Trump devices I've seen just this morning -
Made by Giuseppe Ragazzini:
[url]www.instagram.com/p/BvmtwnXoAMs/?igshid=upvs1hj8zidb[/url]

Regards,
Jules

Hi, RC

I got that it was Trump immediately and found myself almost believing the narrative.

It lampoons the buffoon very well, particularly his narcissistic behaviour. It's like he's lost in a fantasy
of his own making and yet there he is, THE President of the U.S. of A. How on earth did he manage
to get the job? Beats me. Please don't say he might get back in for a second term.

Thoroughly enjoyed this clever and amusing romp in Trumpmania.

Best

JJ

Sorry jj - I had added a kicker on the end and forgot to paste it in - 12 more years - the ultimate nightmare - RC

That's just great, I mean really great, just what everybody wants and I have it on good authority. Just ask God.

JJ