Ghosts at Herculaneum

[stuartryder]

These ghosts were in a
Group of a few
Hundred who were stranded

In the town, took shelter
In stone beach huts
But,

Ultimately,
Were buried along with
Their names.

[Macavity]

took shelter
In stone beach huts

That sort of threaded me back to 'ordinary' folk and the seaside, which makes the circumstances of their deaths more felt (along with the burying of their names).

cheers

mac

[Firebird]

Hi Stuart,

I like the contrast of their story and then the anonymity. It’s strange how a story can be preserved without the identity of it characters, but this is what happened in Herculaneum. I’m not sure about ‘a’ hanging at the end of the first line. Looks and sound a bit odd to me. Does each line have to start with a capital? It disturbs the movement of the poem for me.

Anyway, enjoyed.

Cheers,

Tristan

These ghosts were in a
Group of a few
Hundred who were stranded

In the town, took shelter
In stone beach huts
But,

Ultimately,
Were buried along with
Their names.

[NotQuiteSure]

.
Hi Stuart,
I agree with mac, nicely done.

Perhaps a few too many 'ins' for me, and 'ultimately' seems unnecessary
(likewise 'ghosts' in the title and 'town' in s2).

Regards, Not

.

[1lankest]

I like it but I would try it without punctuation - let the in breaks do the pausing and maximise the abstract quality of the piece.

Luke

[bjondon]

Hi Stuart,
you could try centre justifying it.
It occupies a strange territory between officialese and poetry.
In a way the hanging 'a' adds to that sense of a document on an official display.
Jules