Poetry Forum

Revised version 2

I don’t believe in poets
who go on television
and play the part of the celebrity,
with a book to promote,
whose voice narrates the cartoon cat
trying to sell me car insurance;
the poet who drinks a bottle of whisky for breakfast
and fucks about, who gives up their day job because
serious poets don’t live ordinary lives—

I’ve petitioned the British Parliament
asking for limericks on bank notes,
sonnets on cereal boxes, rhymes
brightening and quickening drab
slow moments; I want to make
everyone a part of a world encircling
poetry circle— have haiku
replace graffiti tags, poetry
printed on sweatshirts
instead of brand logos.
Believe in poetry.


Revised version 1

I don’t believe in poets who
go on television and play
the part of the celebrity,
with a book to promote, whose face
appears in magazines, whose voice
narrates the cartoon cat trying
to sell me car insurance;
the poet who drinks a bottle of
whisky for breakfast and fucks about
and gives up their day job because
serious poets don’t live ordinary lives—
I can’t trust all that.

Believe in poetry, all of us
having fun with how something is said,
poetry a part of all our lives.
I’ve written to the British Parliament
asking for limericks on bank notes,
sonnets on cereal boxes, rhymes
brightening and quickening drab
slow moments; make everyone a part
of a world encircling poetry circle—
haiku replacing graffiti tags,
and lines of poetry printed
on sweatshirts instead of brand logos.


First version

The individual poet who
goes on television
and plays the part of the celebrity,
with a book to promote,
whose face appears in magazines,
whose voice narrates the cartoon cat
who is trying to sell me car insurance;
the poet who drinks a bottle of whisky a day
and fucks about and gives up their day job
because serious poets don’t
live ordinary lives—
I can’t trust all that. I believe
in poetry, in its power to make me feel
boundless. I believe in poetry, reading
and writing it, all of us having fun
with how something is said, poetry
a part of all our lives: poetry with
our breakfasts, colouring our thoughts,
brightening and quickening the drab
slow moments; everyone a part
of a world encircling poetry circle—
haiku replacing graffiti tags, and lines
of poetry printed on sweatshirts instead
of brand logos.

.
Hi tatterdemalion.
Always like a good rant but for me this runs out of steam after 'I believe in poetry, '

Could it not begin by running on from the title, as in

I don't believe in poets

who go on television
and play the part of the celebrity
with a book to promote,

who drink a bottle of whisky a day
and fuck about, give up their day job
because .
whose voice narrates the cartoon cat
trying to sell me car insurance;

I can’t trust all that.
I believe in poetry,


Regards, Not

.

I quite liked this. Maybe it does sag a little in the middle. I enjoyed the end.

R

Thanks Not, the first half does have more punch. I like how you present the lines. I was going with how I'd read the lines, line ending indicating a pause. I know someone who writes their work out this way before they give readings.Another friend of mine is always suggesting I write longer lines. She would call this a list poem, and she'd be right, it is like a list. Not always a bad thing though.

Yes, I agree about the beginning.

Will come back to this. Thoughts, ideas are always welcome.

.
Hi Tatter,
if it is a list poem, then there needs to be more of it.
Not the first half, necessarily (though one or two
more examples wouldn't hurt) but the second.
There seem to be two elements to that, and I'm
not convinced they are reconciled effectively
(or that both are needed).

This is where I think the meat of the piece is
(with new line endings, just for fun)

I don't believe in poets

who go on television and play the part
of the celebrity with a book to promote,

who drink a bottle of whisky a day and fuck
about,
who give up their day job because .
whose voice narrates the cartoon cat
trying to sell me car insurance;

[plus one more example, and a reason
why N 'can't trust all that']

I can’t trust all that.

I believe in poetry,

in its power to make me feel
boundless. brightening

and quickening the drab slow
moments ...

[etc]


Regards, Not


ps. Anything you can do about the repetition of 'day'?

.

I think it's fine up to "ordinary lives" - I suppose it's easier to say what you don't like than what you do. I felt the ending needed something quirkier - a Bill of Writes in iambic pentameter, that kind of thing.

tatterdemalion wrote: ↑

Mon Jan 06, 2020 7:03 pm

everyone a part
of a world encircling poetry circle—

dear Tatter

are you referring to the online poetry forum Poetry Circle ?


https://poetrycircle.com/forum/


silent lotus

~

Hi Silent Lotus. It's Dave B. Thanks for pointing me toward Poets' Graves.

.
Hi Tatter,
like where the revision is heading, though still think your line
breaks are detracting rather than adding. How you read it is
one thing, but this is on the page.

I don’t believe in poets

(Those) who go on television
and play the part of the celebrity,
with a book to promote,
whose face appears in magazines, (If you're set on this, there needs to be a follow up line,
what is the effect/purpose of 'face appears in magazines' ?)
whose voice narrates the cartoon cat
trying to sell me car insurance;
the poet who drinks a bottle of whisky for breakfast
and fucks about
and (who) gives up their day job because
serious poets don’t live ordinary lives —
I can’t trust all that.
- Still don't know why this last line is here.

I think you could start S2 with L4, so

I’ve written to the British Parliament
asking for limericks on bank notes,
sonnets on cereal boxes, rhymes
brightening and quickening drab
slow moments; (I want to) make
everyone a part of a world
encircling poetry circle—
(Have) haiku replace
graffiti tags, poetry
printed on sweatshirts (these three lines, not a good Haiku, but you get the idea)

instead of brand logos.
(I) Believe in poetry,



Regards, Not



.

This doesn't ring true because poets don't go on television and play the part of the celebrities. Name me one who does? In fact name me two?

camus wrote: ↑

Thu Jan 09, 2020 6:23 am

This doesn't ring true because poets don't go on television and play the part of the celebrities. Name me one who does? In fact name me two?

John Cooper Clarke.

Pam Ayres.

Apart from those two...

Craig Charles. Jo Bell.

Mmmm, I think those examples are pushing it, I wouldn't distrust or not believe in any of those poets, well maybe Craig Charles, but that's more to do with his funk and soul show than anything else.

So I guess my question is to tatterdemalion; who are these untrustworthy celebrity poets? I'm happy to stand corrected.

Camus.

tatterdemalion wrote: ↑

Mon Jan 06, 2020 7:03 pm

Revised version 1

I don’t believe in poets who
go on television and play
the part of the celebrity,
with a book to promote, whose face
appears in magazines, whose voice
narrates the cartoon cat trying
to sell me car insurance;
the poet who drinks a bottle of
whisky for breakfast and fucks about
and gives up their day job because
serious poets don’t live ordinary lives—
I can’t trust all that.

Believe in poetry, all of us
having fun with how something is said,
poetry a part of all our lives.
I’ve written to the British Parliament
asking for limericks on bank notes,
sonnets on cereal boxes, rhymes
brightening and quickening drab
slow moments; make everyone a part
of a world encircling poetry circle—
haiku replacing graffiti tags,
and lines of poetry printed
on sweatshirts instead of brand logos.

perhaps ?

I’ve petitioned the British Parliament

~

tatterdemalion wrote: ↑

Mon Jan 06, 2020 7:03 pm

Revised version 1

I don’t believe in poets who
go on television and play
the part of the celebrity,
with a book to promote, whose face
appears in magazines, whose voice
narrates the cartoon cat trying
to sell me car insurance;
the poet who drinks a bottle of
whisky for breakfast and fucks about
and gives up their day job because
serious poets don’t live ordinary lives—
I can’t trust all that.

Believe in poetry, all of us
having fun with how something is said,
poetry a part of all our lives.
I’ve written to the British Parliament
asking for limericks on bank notes,
sonnets on cereal boxes, rhymes
brightening and quickening drab
slow moments; make everyone a part
of a world encircling poetry circle—
haiku replacing graffiti tags,
and lines of poetry printed
on sweatshirts instead of brand logos.


First version

The individual poet who
goes on television
and plays the part of the celebrity,
with a book to promote,
whose face appears in magazines,
whose voice narrates the cartoon cat
who is trying to sell me car insurance;
the poet who drinks a bottle of whisky a day
and fucks about and gives up their day job
because serious poets don’t
live ordinary lives—
I can’t trust all that. I believe
in poetry, in its power to make me feel
boundless. I believe in poetry, reading
and writing it, all of us having fun
with how something is said, poetry
a part of all our lives: poetry with
our breakfasts, colouring our thoughts,
brightening and quickening the drab
slow moments; everyone a part
of a world encircling poetry circle—
haiku replacing graffiti tags, and lines
of poetry printed on sweatshirts instead
of brand logos.

I have a question for you have you written to the British parliament seriously?

Thanks Silent, ''petitioned'' is better, thanks.

Poet, no, I wouldn't waste my time. I wrote that just for fun.

Not, thanks again, those ideas are all interesting and I will have a think.

To answer the other question, who are these poets? There have been a rash of adverts on British TV where poetry has been used to sell stuff, that annoyed me, mostly because it's all so awful. But this was written in response to the idea of poets being celebrities, when it's the work that should be celebrated. I was thinking of a recent film about Bukowski, and how some of my friends go on about him, but they don't talk so much about his poetry. I was also thinking of how in countries like Japan, poetry is more a part of everyday life, the point of writing poetry isn't fame, or likes on Facebook or anything like that, it's more about enriching your life, enriching society.

Hi Tatterdemalion,

I like your latest version of this best. Can't give loads in the way of suggestions, as it hits so many good notes, but a few comments below.

All the best,

Trevor

I don’t believe in poets
who go on television [or "appear" or "speak" on television? More active]
and play the part of the celebrity,
with a book to promote,
whose voice narrates the cartoon cat [Delete line? You've given plenty of other, better examples]
trying to sell me car insurance;
the poet who drinks a bottle of whisky for breakfast
and fucks about, who gives up their job because [Fucks about seems vague. Can you be more specific? Maybe give us us an image to remember]
serious poets don’t live ordinary lives— [Great stuff]

I’ve petitioned the British Parliament
asking for limericks on bank notes, [or "to be printed on banknotes"?]
sonnets on cereal boxes,
rhymes brightening and quickening
slow, drab moments [Where? What context? On footpaths?];
I want to make everyone a part [Maybe delete "I want"?]
of a world encircling poetry circle, have haiku [or "world-encompassing"?]
replace graffiti tags,
poetry printed on sweatshirts
instead of brand logos.

Believe in poetry. [I think of the last line lets it down a bit. Maybe something like "These are the poets/ I could believe"?]

tatterdemalion wrote: ↑

Wed Jan 08, 2020 6:22 pm

Hi Silent Lotus. It's Dave B. Thanks for pointing me toward Poets' Graves.

i always respect
how you tap dance and tiptoe


High Ku smiles
silent lotus