Pandora's Jar

[NotQuiteSure]

.
Pandora's Jar


Who blames the axe
for the fallen tree

or the spear
for the battlefield dead?

Who accuses clay
or the potter's wheel?

Who welcomed us
into your house?

All, I was given
for you

and nothing willed
but was made

to open
and to carry.



.

[TrevorConway]

Hey Not,

Intriguing. I like the set-up of the "who blames..." motif, and the repetition works for me. I found the last few verses interesting but just a touch too far towards the obscure end of the spectrum. A little more to go on in order to figure it out would make it more enjoyable, I think.

I often like strange grammar, such as using a noun as an adjective, but something about "battlefield dead" felt off to me. Would "the lying dead" do anything for you?

I like the title, by the way.

Al the best,

T

[Macavity]

hi Not
Google tells me box was a mistranslation, which was interesting.

Who blames the axe
for the severed head?

Just a thought. Felt the opening was restrained, but perhaps that was your intention?

Who carried us
into your house?

The question here seemed to focus not on the object, but the person carrying the object? The us are the contents of the jar, but the I is the jar? Or the us is referencing the other objects like spear/axe? Perhaps the accusation is directed to the person who brought the objects? The blame game is to do with the naming?

and nothing willed
but was made

to open
and to carry.

Like the tone of that.

hope that helps some

mac

[ray miller]

http://www.poetsgraves.co.uk/forum/viewtopic.php?f=3&t=20908&p=174362&hilit=Pandora#p174362
Great minds and all that.

Who carried us
into your house? - Who is us and whose house are you on about?

I wonder about "and to pass on" for the last line.

[NotQuiteSure]

.
Hi Trev, mac, ray.
Thanks all.

Who carried us
into your house? - Who is us and whose house are you on about?

Us is both Pandora and the Jar, the who is Epimetheus (you remember, the bloke who was told not to accept gifts from Zeus), the man nobody blames.
(mac, I think this answers your question too?)

too far towards the obscure

Fair enough, I was trying to be ambiguous as to whether the speaker was Pandora or the Jar. In the myth both are made from clay and both are 'filled' with 'gifts' from the gods. Is the title too misleading/prescriptive


ray, enjoyed 'Semantics' (especially given Alok Sharma's recent assault on the word) - this, in particular, raised a smile, the case isn’t just / open and shut, but ajar

- edit - changed (L7) 'carry' to 'welcomed' (though maybe it should be 'brought'? -

Thanks again.

Regards, Not.


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[TrevorConway]

Hi Not,

No prob. I think the title is fine, and I do like what you have in the poem. Just a bit more detail to nudge the reader towards the theme you're getting at (or at least this reader - others might understand it more). I don't think you necessarily have to sacrifice the ambiguity.

T