The Acoustic Blankets

[ray miller]

They played Dylan and Donovan, some of their own stuff
and at the height of Techno, the dawn of Britpop
the band were persuaded the future was unplugged.
They saw themselves swinging the axe of Pete Seeger
at unravelling coils of electric cables;
rehearsing late hours through a candlelit darkness
in the room at the back of The Drum and Fiddle,
knocking back bottles of home-brewed cider
as smoke wreaths from hand-rolled ciggies passed over
the banner proclaiming The Acoustic Blankets,
for their name would never be up in lights.

[NotQuiteSure]

.
Hi ray,
firstly, love the band's name (makes you suspect they don't do irony )
A few niggles
Dylan then unplugged? Does it have to be Dylan? Guthrie, Collins ...
height then dawn (couldn't it be glare of Techno?)
do you need the band (l3)? were persuaded that their future would be unplugged ?
Not really getting swinging the axe at unravelling coils
(valiantly swinging the axe of Pete Seeger ?)
nor candlelit darkness (perhaps romantic darkness?)
or home-brews in the backroom of a pub. Surely they'd be barred for that?
encircled after wreaths seems repetitive.
announcing for proclaiming?
the of course seems (editorially) cruel.

Despite all that enjoyed the read. Brought back some good memeories.

Curious as to who or what persuades them.


Regards, Not


.

[jcnash]

An enjoyable read, Ray. I can almost smell the Old Holborn.

I like the unwavering 'analogueness' running through the piece and I love the Seeger incident reference (double meaning of 'axe' there?)

Not keen on 'some of their own stuff' in L1, sounds a bit clumsy to me. I initially thought of suggesting replacing it with 'along with their own' but then you lose that lovely half-rhyme with 'unplugged', so perhaps not.

I don't like 'of course' in the final line, makes it sound too much like a punchline.

Cheers,
nash.

[the stranger]

Hey Ray,

Makes me wonder who these folky rebels really were? An Interesting delve into a certain scene. It's a tragic tale really, and you create that forlorn atmosphere of could have been contenders very well.

Should encircled be encircling? I dunno, I'm rubbish with tenses, but it's written in past tense?

Anyhow good to read you again after such a while.

Cheers
TS

[ray miller]

Thanks, Not. Dylan and Donovan because it fixes them to a certain time. And it sounds good.
Do you know the Pete Seeger tale?
Candlelit because non-electric.
Let's say the pub landlord shared their vision.
I shall change encircled, but I'm not sure to what just yet.
You're right about "of course!, it's gone.

[ray miller]

Hello and thanks jcnash - John, is it?
"Some of our own stuff" is common band terminology, I think. "Of course" is gone, you're right.

[ray miller]

Hello and thanks, Kris. A while back I came across a spoof advert for a festival in the 80s, I think. One of the imagined bands was called The Acoustic Blankets. For about 30 years I've been writing a kind of novel featuring imaginary bands which formed late 70s and their progression. Like The 'Blankets, it's going nowhere.

[NotQuiteSure]

.
Hi ray.

Do you know the Pete Seeger tale?
Didn't, do now. Objection still stands
If you know the story then the 'cables' are implicit in 'axe of Pete Seeger' - regardless of the actualité of the incident, is that the phrase? - are redundant, if you don't (like me) they just confuse. By the way, I rather liked the unintended? play on axe, seemed funny to me given the folk context.

I shall change encircled, but I'm not sure to what just yet.
Rehearsal rooms full of smoke, there was always something of a cut-price dry-ice effect there (or maybe that's just me).

Regards, Not

.

[cameron]

Hi Ray,

I enjoyed this. The last line of the poem is crucial. It is, after all, the punch line. I wondered whether you could employ a rhyme to create a memorable final couplet? Just a thought.
Cam

[ray miller]

Not - objection overruled. But now I'm not sure if unravelling is the word that's best.
Cameron - Thanks. I could rhyme a final couplet, I suppose it would be more apt if the whole thing were rhymed. Not many rhymes for blankets, though.

[NotQuiteSure]

not sure if unravelling is the word that's best

- I know it moves away from the Seeger story, but
They saw themselves swinging the axe of Pete Seeger
at electric cables and stacked Marshall speakers
at serpentine cables, hissing amplifiers

wreaths and passed over? Groan

Could you not cut the and between Dylan and Donovan?


Regards, Not

.

[Firebird]

Hi Ray,

I like Seeger’s axe - it’s a nice reference and works well. Not keen on ‘some of their own stuff’ and I’m not sure ‘unravelling’ is the right word in that context. I like the sound of The Acoustic Blankets and that culture of Old Holborn and home-brew. I remember it well. But I’d like this piece to be less generic about that culture somehow.

I like the final two lines and the idea that they’ve unplugged the light on having real success, and maybe that they don’t even want that light - it being powered by electricity, and that all the ‘electricity’ might have gone out of their music. - there’s a lot of mileage in this. I also like that you have removed ‘of course’.

Cheers,

Tristan

They played Dylan and Donovan, some of their own stuff
and at the height of Techno, the dawn of Britpop
the band were persuaded the future was unplugged.
They saw themselves swinging the axe of Pete Seeger
at unravelling coils of electric cables;
rehearsing late hours through a candlelit darkness
in the room at the back of The Drum and Fiddle,
knocking back bottles of home-brewed cider
as smoke wreaths from hand-rolled ciggies passed over
the banner proclaiming The Acoustic Blankets,
for their name would never be up in lights.

[ray miller]

Thanks again. I think I will cut the "and" between Dylan and Donovan. Unravelling will get replaced eventually, but I don't know by what. The original plan was for this to be much longer but it was taking such a long time, once I hit upon the punchline I wrapped it up.

[lotus]

dear Ray

back in 1965 when that Pete Seeger incident happened i was a teenager living in a very small town
and Pete's half brother Mike Seeger was a neighbor of mine as well as Paul Prestopino
who was playing mandolin and other instruments for the group Peter Paul & Mary

https://somethingelsereviews.com/2013/05/11/if-i-had-an-axe-id-cut-the-cable-what-really-infuriated-pete-seeger-about-bob-dylans-1965-newport-set/

i hadn't known about the axe & cable story until now
it is always wonderful where poetry can take you

a warm smile
silent lotus