Haiku
the dry patch
where your car was
disappears
Haiku
I stop
touch typing
and the rain continues.
Haiku
The leaves
have left this tree
full of apples.
A couple of Haiku
Tristan, to me these are so powerful!
Each one ties together two events that happen nearby. Is it the poet who connects them, or the universe?
Together they seem to tell a story of a parting and the emotion that abides.
Thank you for posting them,
Jackie
Each one ties together two events that happen nearby. Is it the poet who connects them, or the universe?
Together they seem to tell a story of a parting and the emotion that abides.
Thank you for posting them,
Jackie
Hi Jackie,
Really pleased you like them. I’d not considered them as a series, but now you mention it they do have certain links - it wasn’t this poet’s intention though. I placed them together at random. Many thanks for pointing out the possible thematic link.
Hi Mac,
First off, good to see you on the new site. I saw that Magpie Jane was around earlier today - a real blast from the past and a talented poet too. Really pleased you like the middle one. I think that’s the one I wrote most recently.
Looking forward to reading/commenting on one of your poems.
Cheers both,
Tristan
Really pleased you like them. I’d not considered them as a series, but now you mention it they do have certain links - it wasn’t this poet’s intention though. I placed them together at random. Many thanks for pointing out the possible thematic link.
Hi Mac,
First off, good to see you on the new site. I saw that Magpie Jane was around earlier today - a real blast from the past and a talented poet too. Really pleased you like the middle one. I think that’s the one I wrote most recently.
Looking forward to reading/commenting on one of your poems.
Cheers both,
Tristan
Really love these, Tristan. I've always enjoyed reading Japanese forms but never really had a proper go at writing them. You and Cam have inspired me though and I've been writing a daily Haiku as a sort of diary of my daily walks. So, cheers for that!
-
ray miller
- Perspicacious Poster
- Posts: 7482
- Joined: Wed Apr 23, 2008 10:23 am
I don't mind a bit that these haikus don't follow the customary rules, 17 syllables etc, but when " a couple" is actually is actually 3 I think it's time to be writing a letter of protest to my MP. Maybe disappeared instead of disappears?
I'm out of faith and in my cups
I contemplate such bitter stuff.
I contemplate such bitter stuff.
. -
NotQuiteSure
- Perspicacious Poster
- Posts: 3660
- Joined: Wed Dec 28, 2016 4:05 pm
.
Hi Tristan,
just wondered whether it should be 'blossom' or 'petals' (rather than 'leaves') in #3?
Regards, Not
.
Hi Tristan,
just wondered whether it should be 'blossom' or 'petals' (rather than 'leaves') in #3?
Regards, Not
.
Hi Not,NotQuiteSure wrote: ↑Mon Feb 22, 2021 3:01 pm.
Hi Tristan,
just wondered whether it should be 'blossom' or 'petals' (rather than 'leaves') in #3?
Regards, Not
.
Thanks for popping by. I actually saw this tree full of apples having just lost its leaves and was very struck by it - somehow its emptiness but also its fullness. It was in late Autumn last year. The only time I think this could happen. The apples were so much easier to see than when they were in amongst the leaves. It was a strange moment.
I don’t think there is any ‘should’ though about it in this context. Blossom/petals would make for another interesting haiku, suggesting something quite different to this one.
Cheers,
Tristan