Poetry Forum

Consider our ways

This morning I killed a little ant-girl.
I did it intentionally.
I did it with the convex side of a teaspoon.
I've done it before, many times.
I hate doing it. But
I'll do it again and again.
I refuse to have my kitchen invaded.

O, our firmly anchored bodies.
O, our shared urge for world dominion.
Am I you? Are you me?
Who do we think we are?

Our hefty, powerful bodies striding across the universe.
Our small, busy bodies building empires among the grass.
Our tall and tired bodies chewing the aches of old age.
Our tiny, broken bodies in the kitchen sink.

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MJ! And a poem! What a treat! A typically vivid write too within the confines of the kitchen sink crime drama S1 was my fav. bit: the confessional, the immediacy, the girl detail were a great opening hook; L2 not manslaughter, but first degree; L3 the weapon, the particular of convex;; the serial element, the conscience, the motivation. You have nailed the genre.

The progression to the big questions, from the I to the we, the human virus of power, an ego playing at empire building; the zooming down, diminishing, the ant parallels, the ant realities, the ant demise. Yep, lesser 'gods'. Frail. Vulnerable. Ageing.

Muchly enjoyed. Playful, inventive, relevant.

best

Mac

Hi MJ,
enjoyed the read, especially the hook of the opening line.
Shouldn't it be
I killed a little ant-girl this morning
to maintain the 'I x ...' of each line?

Not convinced by S2 (apart from S2/L4), you seem to say the same things in S3, but better
(What's the difference between 'firmly anchored' and 'powerful'? Or 'world dominion' and 'building empires'?)
The use of 'bodies' (S2/L1) seems a misstep to me, given the repetitions in S3.

Do you need to repeat 'kitchen' in the last line?


Regards, Not

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Thanks, Mac. Good to see you again! I hope to have returned, at least intermittently, to the writing business after quite a number of detours.

I’m glad you noticed my attempt at offering my confession in the formal way; sometimes I feel as if I should plead my defence before the Great Ant-God in the Sky (or in the Criminal Court of Offence against Biodiversity).

And yes, you really nailed it there; in the big picture we’re nothing but lesser gods – and that goes for everybody and every body alike.

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Thanks, Not. Glad you enjoyed it.

The opening line starts with a “when it happened” statement because I believe it’s the proper way to make a formal confession – and to break the “leading I” monotony that follows.

S2 was a bit troublesome for me, too; but this was how it turned out (for the time being).
“firmly anchored bodies” means that our bodies (human and ant) are subject to their physiological limitations. “world dominion” means ‘there shall be no empires except our own’ (that, too, goes for humans and ants – as well as many other species).
I’ll try to give S2 another workout when I get around to it.

Yes, I need to repeat “kitchen” in the last line – to make a return to the domestic scene after having trampled about all over the universe.

Thanks again for your comments & suggestions!

* * * * *

Cheers to both of you!
Jane

Magpie Jane wrote: ↑

Thu Jun 24, 2021 12:10 pm

Yes, I need to repeat “kitchen” in the last line – to make a return to the domestic scene after having trampled about all over the universe.

Fair enough but I thought 'sink' achieved that one its own.

Regards, Not