Willows (Was: Untitled)

[Firebird]

V3

It’s not that a weeper’s branches are weaker,
but that they grow so much longer
and cannot support their explorations.


V2

It’s not that a weeper’s branches are weaker,
but that they grow so much longer
and cannot support their explorations
into this world.


V1

The difference between a normal willow
and those that weep,
isn’t that the weeper’s branches
are weaker; it’s that they grow
so much longer and cannot support
their explorations into this world.

[Macavity]

Enjoyed Tristan. I do like a tree poem. I am presuming the use of 'explorations' is to do with 'discovery' in life. I feel that ambition is a driver in 'reaching out'. Of course, there are consequences.

best

mac

[NotQuiteSure]

Hi Tristan,
long time and all that.

Don't think you need the first two lines (and is L1 a question often asked?)
It also feels like your starting a much longer examination that then never arrives.
Any way to reduce the number of pronouns? Or make the lines match the branches?

Willows (for the title)

It isn’t that a weeper’s branches are weaker;
but that they grow so much longer
until they are unable to support their explorations
into this world.

[Firebird]

Hi Mac,

Pleased you like it. And yes, the use of ‘explorations’ was to do with ‘discovery’ in life.

Cheers,

Tristan


Hi Not,

Many thanks for the suggestions as always. I’ve adopted some of them
in v2.

Cheers,

Tristan

[NotQuiteSure]

Hi Tristan,
V2 for me, V3 feels unfinished (it doesn't conclude).

Regards, Not

[Jackie]

Hi Tristan

I like version 3 but I wonder if the word "explorations" is misplaced. For me, the mere mention of willows calls up our own once-upon-a-time backyard willow. Our love for it turned to fear: we had no idea its roots were invading our house. I copied this statement from somewhere: If willow foliage has reached 45 to 70 feet long then the root system can spread out over 100 feet. I'm inclined to see the branches' activity as seductive distraction from the serious exploration that's going on below ground.

Jackie

[ray miller]

Interesting that the willow grows longer whilst the poem is becoming shorter. I wonder if "bear" might be better than "support" . Maybe ".... cannot bear what they discover of this world".