Oh, fearsome painting, what a torn soul you are.
I believe you have envisioned many souls in stride.
Your mind inside the painting is magnificent,
In your shadow lies a man praying to his God.
The swirling shadow: black and bent, it goes up!
Why you might ask? Because it does not occur normally.
Let it sit as your face becomes a memory, it fades.
Oh, fearsome painting, with your face hideous.
You leave a mark towards others in darkness.
The drawing of your face is brown, but with eyes
So, piercing, I sink down to your mangled body.
The way you caress my eyes with your eyes.
Metaphorically, is something I cannot deny.
Oh, fearsome painting, your song will not end.
But in the meantime: will your mouth be prophetic?
I wish to experience God through your saddened eyes.
Have you wished to God that you will keep existing?
Oh, fearsome painting what a torn soul you are!
Avenge, Awaken, Painting
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pomespennyeach
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- Posts: 163
- Joined: Fri Jul 09, 2021 3:55 pm
Poet,Poet wrote: ↑Fri Sep 03, 2021 11:49 pmOh, fearsome painting, what a torn soul you are.
I believe you have envisioned many souls in stride.**
Your mind inside the painting is magnificent,
In your shadow lies a man praying to his God.**
The swirling shadow: black and bent, it goes up!**
Why you might ask? Because it does not occur normally. "Because it does not occur normally" lack poetry of other lines
Let it sit as your face becomes a memory, it fades.** insert "and" between sit & as
Oh, fearsome painting, with your face hideous.
You leave a mark towards others in darkness.
The drawing of your face is brown, but with eyes
So, piercing, I sink down to your mangled body. don't need comma after "so"
The way you caress my eyes with your eyes. no period, 1ines12-13 are a sentence,
Metaphorically, is something I cannot deny.
Oh, fearsome painting, your song will not end.
But in the meantime: will your mouth be prophetic?**
I wish to experience God through your saddened eyes.
Have you wished to God that you will keep existing?** I think this should be your last line
Oh, fearsome painting what a torn soul you are!
Really enjoyed reading this. A few small suggestions above. It's a strong poem I think.
PPE
****************************************************** a bit more
my favorite lines marked two asterisks
Thanks PPE.