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Santa
Posted: Mon Dec 20, 2021 12:58 am
by camus
There, in the corner, staring at his list
Two pints long - an industrial tan.
Padding - a pillow, an eking of slightness
Beard upon beard - a fable upon man.
Yet, no prosaic approaches for him
Nor drunken sitting on knees, no pleads
"For a new Mrs" he's left alone
To sup and tick, a regular guy/myth.
Re: Santa
Posted: Mon Dec 20, 2021 3:19 am
by Macavity
camus wrote: ↑Mon Dec 20, 2021 12:58 am
There, in the corner, staring at his list
Two pints long - an industrial tan.
Padding - a pillow, an eking of slightness
Beard upon beard - a fable upon man.
Yet, no prosaic approaches for him
Nor drunken sitting on knees, no pleads
"For a new Mrs" he's left alone
To sup and tick, a regular guy/myth.
Some inventive stuff Kris, particularly enjoyed L2 and L4. Something is bothering me about
eking of slightness, not sure what, a tad daft, poetic straining? L7 do you need 'alone'. Everything shows he is. Anyway some
cheer...
Re: Santa
Posted: Thu Dec 23, 2021 7:36 pm
by Firebird
Hi Kris,
I like it, especially line four. Great. I’m not that keen on ‘an eking of slightness’ like Phil. I’d go with ‘regular myth’ at the end. It’s a good counterpoint to line four.
Enjoyed.
Cheers,
Tristan
Re: Santa
Posted: Mon Jan 31, 2022 6:38 pm
by littlebirdsaved
Just like others, I particularly enjoyed line 2 and line 4.
Funny poem
I can't write like this, so I admire your skills.
Re: Santa
Posted: Tue Feb 01, 2022 10:29 pm
by camus
Thanks guys, appreciated.
Funny, "an eking of slightness" was my absolute favourite part, I was overjoyed at that line, and still am.
I also saw the poem as rather tragic, or that's what i intended.
Hey ho.
Cheers
Kris
cheer...