Poetry Forum

He'll fight on.
Red, yellow, and mauve planets
crowding at the gate.
His units everywhere now,
crouching in their hides;
the search for life, a running joke.

That sainthood/prophet moniker.
All he did was sign a contract,
happened to bring the BBC to bloom,
ushered in these, what would you call them?
. . . Late flowers?

A professional optimist:
he knows his unit, that at least
will survive.
And those cameras!
Still evolving. He saw them all -
looked into their eyes.




V3
Speaking With His Eyes

He'll fight on.
Red, yellow, mauve crowding at the gate.
His units everywhere now, crouching in their hides.
The search for life, a running joke.

That sainthood/prophet moniker.
All he did was sign a contract;
brought the BBC to bloom;
the colours somehow brighter back then.

A professional optimist -
He knows his unit, that at least
will survive.

And those cameras!
Still evolving. He saw them all;
looked into their lenses.




Natural History

He gave us Blue: orchestrated hope.
He gave us Green;
Red crowding at the gate;
the prophet speaking with his eyes.
He oversaw that fond first bloom -
Ah, 67!
These days David dreams in black and white.



Televized

New bred for the purpose cameras and camera crews
See more See clearer See further See ourselves
These days David dreams in black and white
But a planet with no BBC?
Inconceivable

Hi Jules

The concluding line reminded me of The Princess Bride. David makes programmes for other channels. I guess nature has taught him to be adaptable I have a vague feeling he was the first controller for BBC2 and colour was its sales pitch and there was a manifesto of understanding Mankind (programmes like Civilization). The BBC has evolved to a more populist agenda, for survival, but I think the jungle will consume.

cheers

Phil

Thanks Phil,
some useful stuff.
The PB somehow passed me by, film and book. Currently on page 82 and really enjoying it!

Best, Jules
(V2up)

Prefer the original, though I like the prophet line and bloom.

These days David dreams in black and white. - you've said it twice, so what's it referring to? I do find the 2nd version more accessible.

Thanks for returning Phil.
Ray, there's an outside chance this last version may answer your question.

Best, Jules

V3 , though I like the understated title of V2, while accepting the language of the visual medium. Perhaps the angle is that, in war, one assumes a role.

Phil

I think this is much better. Better still if you had Red, yellow, mauve planets crowding at the gate. You've gotta consider the audience, Jules. David does. Still not entirely sure why he would dream in black and white. I know it's summat to do with colour TV and that's enough I suppose. I love the idea of his units.

Thanks Phil and Ray,
glad you both think V3 is getting there.

Phil - I am currently agreeing with you about 'Natural History'. The last line loses a bit of its kick but I think the rest gains.

Ray - fair point: 'planets' in V4 (plus a few tweaks in S2).
I've dropped 'the colours somehow brighter back then' the weaker corollary of 'These days David dreams in black and white'. The idea was to imply he'd given up hope (of us averting climate catastrophe), but I don't think it's needed, the tone now on its own being more effective.

Best, Jules
post scriptum: tweak on last line, lenses to eyes