Special

[ray miller]

She’s better on the Tranquilyn,
twice a day and when it’s Drama
or she’s taken to the cinema,
we give one more to keep us calmer.

Careering through the playground,
unconcerned with whom she hurts.
Today she missed her break time
‘cause she burped and burped and burped.

Invitations to her party:
sorry, but….the mothers phone.
We can pencil in two certainties –
her sister and the Down’s Syndrome.

We’re contemplating special school:
she’d catch a special bus;
staff specialise in teaching
special kids that special stuff.

She’s been an education
for those of us who used to dream
that school served big and little fish
altogether in one stream.

[Macavity]

Dripping with ironies and the reality. Good stuff. Yes, we can dream of integration, and surely it is right, but then ....

Love L4, the repeated burped, and enjoyed the rhymes.

[NotQuiteSure]

Hi ray,
starts at the title and keeps going til the end. Good stuff.
Love the 'us' in L4.
Might N be quoting her with the 'burped and burped ...'?

Regards, Not

.

[ray miller]

Thanks both.

[JJHenderson]

I don't know if I could give a better summation than Phil's "dripping with ironies and the reality." It's really those two aspects I love here. I also love the choice of rhymed tetrameter, which with its shorter lines (compared to pentameter) bring the rhymes closer to our ears. Normally that "ringing" effect makes poetry song-like, but here it helps to emphasize the daily pattern of living with special needs children, the annoyances and frustrations, which are just as likely to come from how other people react to them. In particular I loved "we give one more to keep us calmer," when the reader would expect "her calmer." Such a great touch, and I also love the closing metaphor.

To the actual critique, I was initially tripped up by "Drama." I'm not sure if the capitalized Drama is referring to something specific, or if it's meant more like "when there's drama."

There's also some lines where you switch from tetrameter to trimeter (careening through the playground, today she missed her break time, et al.) that you might want to change, unless you don't mind. Trimeter and tetrameter pair well together (as in common meter) so it's not a huge deal, even for me.

Beyond those quibbles, I think my only real issue is that while it reads fine it also feels a bit like 5 stanzas only connected together by the same general subject, meaning I don't really get a sense of a connective tissue in how/why they progress as they do. The one exception to this is how the penultimate stanza about the "special" schools connect to the final stanza with "she's been an education." I'd love if there were similar connective transitions between the stanzas. One thing I'd consider would be moving S3 to the beginning. That would allow "Down's Syndrome" to connect to (now) S2's Tranquilyn. I think that would only leave the "careening" stanza a bit rootless in the middle, but, I also think there it could serve as a kind of climax of how bad things can get, which would lead nicely into "we've been contemplating" volta.

[Lia]

“We’re contemplating special school:
she’d catch a special bus;
staff specialise in teaching
special kids that special stuff.”

Just love this unexpected play with language, Ray. It appears in the poem like a middle eight and somehow sets the rest alight. Very enjoyable. I mean, obviously the poem is a difficult and challenging one in subject, but again you bring that dry wit to it that messes about with political correctness and weighs in on contentions.

The only thing that I wondered about was S3 and putting 'sorry, but' in italics. That's all I've got!

A cracking poem.

Lia

[ray miller]

Thanks, JJ, Lia. I had a think about the order of the stanzas - might make more sense to begin with stanza 2. There is a school theme throughout the poem, but some stanzas are more obvious than others. If you're thinking that the Tranquilyn and Down's Syndrome should be more closely connected then perhaps you believe the girl, our girl, has Down's Syndrome. She doesn't, that was another girl in her class. Our girl has foetal alcohol syndrome - she's adopted.