stairs talk poem man

[ray miller]

we know each other good long time
had ups and downs i see you grow
from small to taller every day
since early steps just you and lady
racing over me together
almost falling in your urgent
slower now preserving moment
heavier the footprints falling
and so many your descendants
feel like treadmill weight of bearing
when your daughters choose sit on me
talk talk talking all the gossip
me worn and torn go threadbare boring
peek up dresses make me lighter
only tiny consolation
maybe perk me up make-over
think about a brand new carpet

man fall over sleeping on it
from the landing lady whisper
good job stairs real good job
wanna take a peek?

[Macavity]

Imaginative Ray. Particularly like the way of speaking. Sort of mirrors an existence and language that is trammelled by function.

[Lia]

Hello Ray. There's something quite delightful about hearing the thoughts of stairs! Lots of fun too, this chippy choppy language that makes me think of the steps themselves. The peak up dresses brought a chuckle, as with the ending. You make me want to treat my stairs to a new carpet. The only thing that made me pause was this;

"man fall over sleeping on it"

it? If this line is still the stairs speaking, maybe 'me' 'this' 'this bit' or 'here'?

Very much enjoyed!

Lia

[JJHenderson]

I'm of two minds on this one. On the one hand, I love the playfully imaginative use of language for such a unique voice; but, on the other hand, I can't help but wondering if this is modeled on a real voice. Does anyone actually talk like this? Is this meant as a parody or caricature of someone real or imagined? I don't think the latter questions would bother me if this wasn't written as (what I assume to be) a monologue of N talking to someone else. It's an intriguing piece, but perhaps leaves me with more questions than satisfaction, wondering about N and who they're talking to, who they are, what the situation is. I often critique poems for needing a trimming, but this one I feel could use with an expansion into character-based dramatic monologue.

[ray miller]

Thanks all. Lia - last 4 lines are not the stairs speaking. The man is sleeping on it, as in mulling it over.
JJ - the N is the stairs. You didn't know that stairs can speak but they can and that is exactly how they sound. The gist is that lady wants a new carpet, man doesn't, and she has enlisted the help of the stairs to influence man. Happens a lot.

[Lia]

Ah, I see, Ray. That's tricky. I assumed that the man was sleeping off his drunkeness on the stairs and the lady was grateful. However, I didn't quite see the continuation of the new carpet with the double meaning of sleeping on it/mulling it over. But I see it clear as day, now, which means it was my slowness rather than your writing.

(couldn't help laughing at your response to JJ)

Lia

[JJHenderson]

Thanks all. Lia - last 4 lines are not the stairs speaking. The man is sleeping on it, as in mulling it over.
JJ - the N is the stairs. You didn't know that stairs can speak but they can and that is exactly how they sound. The gist is that lady wants a new carpet, man doesn't, and she has enlisted the help of the stairs to influence man. Happens a lot.

Ah, I gotcha. For whatever reason I interpreted the title "stairs talk" as being an adjective/verb rather than subject/verb. If you want to make it clear that it's a monologue (or soliloquy perhaps?) by the stairs, perhaps a less elliptical title? "The Stairs Talk to Poem Man" or even "Monologue/Soliloquy of a Poem Man's Stairs?"