Travel Advice - final update

[ray miller]

Nobody need go anywhere else
and you’ve no call to absent yourself
in cloudshapery, housefacery
and birdlike punctuation marks
when kids need crisps and chocolate bars.
You’re redundant as the moon and stars,
pointing out cows, ducks and sheep
when everyone has earphones in
and eyes are fixed on mobile screens
where TikTok, Roblox, Snapchat, Sims
obliterate the passing scenes.
Climb off that high horse which you cannot ride,
strap yourself in to the passenger seat
and allow the SatNav to determine fate.
You have reached your destination.
You were here all the time.
Take the exit.




Revision

Nobody need go anywhere else
and you’ve no call to absent yourself
in cloudshapery, housefacery
and birdlike punctuation marks
when kids need crisps and chocolate bars.
You’re redundant as the moon and stars,
pointing out cows, ducks and sheep
when everyone has earphones in.
What if the children’s minds are crammed
with Facebook, TikTok, Instagram
and every emoji known to man?
Climb off that high horse which you cannot ride,
strap yourself in to the passenger seat
and allow the SatNav to determine fate.
You have reached your destination.
You were here all the time.
Take the exit.

Original

Nobody need go anywhere else
and you’ve no call to absent yourself
in cloudshapery, housefacery
and birdlike punctuation marks
when kids need crisps and chocolate bars.
You’re redundant as the moon and stars,
pointing out cows, ducks and sheep
when everyone has earphones in.
What if the family trunk consists
of Hello, Closer, Heat, Next
and every form of Frozen Shrek?
Climb off that high horse which you cannot ride,
strap yourself in to the passenger seat
and allow the SatNav to determine fate.
You have reached your destination.
You were here all the time.
Take the exit.

[CalebPerry]

All I can say is that I like the sound of the language but don't understand every line or every reference.

[Macavity]

Redundancy was the key term for my read. We still insist on an atlas and not SatNav, despite getting lost on occasion (or we say discovering places). I like maps. Lots to like, as redundant as the moon was a good one. The mag refs surprised me. So many are locked into mobile phone world!

Enjoyed

[Lia]

Cloudshapery. Now there's a word, Ray! I wondered about 'redundant as the moon and stars'... are they? Though I suppose it depends on the way you look at them. If it's through a romantic/dreamer's lens then maybe that makes sense here.

I was thinking about those last lines because I was expecting to see 'junction' in there somewhere. Also, the destination line could be slowed down if you wanted. Something like;

You've arrived at your destination.
You were here all the time.
At the next junction,
take the exit.

Or

Take the exit at the next junction. (But the rhyme might be too close?)

Well, see what you think. As for the poem itself, I like it very much - the resigned/realist tone comes through loud and clear. It's like saying that there's no point fighting so accept the outcome for what it is. Not an easy thing to do, of course, for the 'you' viewpoint. But this is how things are nonetheless.

Lia

[David]

Quite right. We were fortunate, parenting in the 90s, when the children could be entertained, on rare sorties to the adjacent islands, with cassettes and I-Spy books. Those were the days.

And we just followed the traffic signs, only occasionally going wrong (sometimes spectacularly). I don't think satnavs have removed that danger.

I was going to say I was a bit confused by Frozen Shrek, but I think I just got it.

That is a chilling ending.

Cheers

David

[jisbell00]

Hi Ray,

What David said. I regret the days when I had a map open on the steering wheel to navigate by. Ah well. Now the streets of Europe are full of people being navigated with American accents as they stare at their cellphones.

Frozen Shrek has a certain appeal!

Cheers,
John

[ray miller]

What if the family trunk consists
of Hello, Closer, Heat, Next
and every form of Frozen Shrek?

It's an old poem, needs updating.
I mean the moon and stars are redundant in terms of navigation.
Yes, perhaps I need to have junction in there.

[Lia]

"I mean the moon and stars are redundant in terms of navigation."

Ah, sorry Ray. Yes of course.

Lia

[Morpheus]

Ray, if you're wanting something that's more timeless that Frozen Shrek then think Nintendo. Pokémon and Mario seem to be in vogue forever.

Every form of Pikachu would lose a slant rhyme on shrek/Next though.

Was Next a magazine? I don't remember that one but I know the retailer.

Anyway, I could relate and I did enjoy the read. Thanks.

[ray miller]

I think Next was a magazine, but I could be wrong. Anyway, I've modernised.

[Morpheus]

Ray, good idea to twist away from magazines but kids these days are not on Facebook or Instagram. Those are the uncool apps used by parents.

Kids are on YouTube a lot and they prefer the likes of Snapchat and Roblox when using an iPad.

Also, they like to spend Robux on creating a virtual reality version of themselves. Emojis are a bit Noddy to them.

[ray miller]

Thanks Morpheus. I'm finished with this now.

[Morpheus]

Yes, I think you've modernised it well now Ray.