Poetry Forum

I haven’t followed the path on the Camiano de Santiago,
where there are taps that spill wine, not water.

But once, after heavy rain, we cycled to the Calder,
and listened to the sound of the roaring weir.

Nor have I gone to Everest Base camp
and found myself in the thinning atmosphere.

But once I did the west-gate run, a pint
in every pub, and followed the slow incline

into Wakefield on Mad Friday,
where there were more than blessings that were dispensed.

Hi Tony,

That's a very nice poem. You might want Camino de Santiago, for Camiano.

Cheers,
John

This is good. I enjoyed its structure and its comparisons. Tidy little number.

My only crit would be that the last line seems throw away and weak.

Nor have I gone to Everest Base camp
and found myself in the thinning atmosphere.

I like that very much. Quite fancy the west-gate run too. When is it?

Yep, good stuff. It's all relative.

I would agree though, the last line is the weakest link. It's already implied. Perhaps something more extravagant, shocking even?

Cheers
Kris

I'll go along with the crowd. Good poem, but the last line needs bolstering a bit.

Cheers

David

Thanks for the responses. No idea about the last line but it seems like a weak link.
Ray, its at 7.30 starting at The Redoubt.

Tony