High Wire

[jisbell00]

High Wire


Welcome to madness. “Easy gig,”
some say, though few will volunteer.
What’s small must yield to what is big,
and this is how I disappear.

The man is mad. It may be wise
to separate him from the rest.
You cannot even trust his eyes.
If he were gone, that would be best.

Up on the high wire, where the air
won’t hold me up, I toe the line.
The crowd below can see me there.
It’s deft. It’s dizzy. It’s divine.

Would you be wanting to compare?
To sit in judgment? To opine?
Then, take a spin – be debonaire!
Be dashing. Try these shoes of mine.



Edited:
“Ein begriffener Gott ist kein Gott.” I’m beginning
Rudolf Otto’s The Idea of the Holy,
in brute discomfort. “A God understood
is no God.” He’s behind the cloud – so high
that all below is equal in the end.
The rain that falls is holy – not because
it’s good, but since it comes from God. And holy
is what God is, when all is said and done.

[jisbell00]

Hi folks,

I've cut the old S2, which may be an improvement. Should I also cut the final stanza? What do you think?

Cheers,
John

[Macavity]

I'd return the previous S2 John. Rhythm and form create a music that engages the reader through the poem (no matter the subject matter). Once you depart from that structure, lose the cohesion, the effect is a handbrake. I know you have reason for 'melding', but the effect is a spoiler. Love the high wire stanza

[ray miller]

Same as what Phil said.

What’s small must yield to what is big,
and this is how I disappear.

Nice lines, but I wonder what you have in mind, what is the big thing? Madness itself?

[jisbell00]

Hi Phil, hi Ray,

Thanks for the votes to restore S2! I’d thought I might be too confrontational in this poem and alienate my readers, but you’ve given me confidence to put it back.

Phil, I very much agree! I try hard to hape my pieces into pattern, one way and another, and here, I quite liked the 2-1-2 stanzaic structure I had going. It’s a relief to hear I can maintain it without losing readers, thank you. Glad to hear you liked the high wire bits! Again, a tad confrontational, but I’ve spent years sending this off to contests and not even making semifinals lately. Of course, there are a million factors, but I do sometimes get the feeling people don’t want to hear this stuff. I am an impatient person.

Ray, thank you for agreeing with Phil, that is very welcome to me! Yes, what’s big was meant to be madness itself, which my small brain simply could not fight, it immediately capitulated. But the lines aren’t clear and I’ve not found better.

Cheers both,
John

[Macavity]

High Wire


Welcome to madness. “Easy gig,”
some say, though few will volunteer.
What’s small must yield to what is big,
and this is how I disappear.

The man is mad. It may be wise
to separate him from the rest.
You cannot even trust his eyes.
If he were gone, that would be best.

Up on the high wire, where the air
won’t hold me up, I toe the line.
The folk below can see me there.
It’s deft. It’s dizzy. It’s divine.

Would you be wanting to compare?
To sit in judgment? To opine?
Then, take a spin – be debonaire!
Be dashing. Try these shoes of mine.

My reasoning was for this structure John.

[jisbell00]

Oh, and take out the middle stanza? I suppose I don't really need it here, if that's what you mean. And I do transfer items between MSS, which saves me feeling they are lost forever. Since i quite like that middle stanza!

Done!

Cheers,
John