And away

[David]

(The final part of my medical adventure)

They take me out, as if I were a bun
emerging from the oven, nicely done,
or one of Lord Carnarvon’s photographs.
“I feel like the Mummy!” No one laughs.
The nurse stands by, in case she needs to help
me back into my reassembled self.
My partner is still reading in her chair.
We move toward the unrestricted air,
not looking back, although the chances are
that this is not goodbye but au revoir.
(My eyes dazzle briefly, as they might
for blinking Lazarus surprised by light.)
After a coffee and a quick sit-down
we take a waiting taxi into town.

[the stranger]

David,

Is the title a little nod to 'Gone Fishing'? I do hope so.

Hangs together really nicely, some wonderful subtle rhymes. That said I'll need to put this poem in context, so will check out your previous.

Cheers
TS

[David]

David,

Is the title a little nod to 'Gone Fishing'? I do hope so.

It is indeed. That was exactly how it felt to me.

Cheers

David

[nash]

Is the title a little nod to 'Gone Fishing'? I do hope so.

My first thought too. Instantly brought a little bit of joy and set me up for the poem.

Again, David, just lovely. Can't find fault with it. L3/4 made me chuckle, referencing things which others either don't get or don't find amusing will always be funny.

All the best,
nash

[ton321]

Hi David

I didn't get the reference but I liked the genteel tone of the piece

Tony

[CalebPerry]

I'd like to see more interesting language. As I read the poem, alternative language popped into my mind, so I thought I'd share it.

emerging from the oven, nicely done,
[sliding from the oven, nicely done] ----- this keeps the meter

“I feel like the Mummy!” No one laughs.
[“I feel like a Mummy!” No one laughs.]

me back into my reassembled self.
[me reassemble my scattered self] ----- one beat is lost

My partner is still reading in her chair.
[My partner is still patient in her chair.]

that this is not goodbye but au revoir. ----- I like this line

we take a waiting taxi into town.
[we hail an idle taxi into town.] ----- of course, it's not idle once it starts to move

These were just thoughts, which you should feel free to ignore given that you do meter better than I do. Sorry for doing a NotQuiteSure on you.

[jisbell00]

Hi David,

Very nice! The music of the piece is limpid and the metaphors are a treat. I don’t know Gone Fishing nor Lord Carnarvon, for the US perspective.

Cheers,
John

[David]

Sorry all, I missed this (apart from Kris's comment) over the festive period.

Again, David, just lovely. Can't find fault with it. L3/4 made me chuckle, referencing things which others either don't get or don't find amusing will always be funny.

Yay! Thanks John.

I didn't get the reference but I liked the genteel tone of the piece

That'll do me, Tony. Thanks.

These were just thoughts, which you should feel free to ignore given that you do meter better than I do. Sorry for doing a NotQuiteSure on you.

No worries, Caleb. Somebody's got to do it.

Very nice! The music of the piece is limpid and the metaphors are a treat. I don’t know Gone Fishing nor Lord Carnarvon, for the US perspective.

Thanks John. Gone Fishing you might profitably seek out on the BBC i-Player. Lord Carnarvon was the financial backer of the search for and excavation of Tutankhamun's tomb. Hence the Mummy (in my mind, at least).

Cheers all

David

[jisbell00]

Hi David,

I continue to like this on rereading ,especially now blinking Lazarus ,which feels right. Thanks for the tips as well!

Cheers,
John

[ray miller]

We move toward the unrestricted air,
not looking back, although the chances are
that this is not goodbye but au revoir.

Lovely. It's all great. I get the mummy reference, not the fishing. Dunno if you need those last 2 lines, or the brackets above them, blinking Lazarus a good place to end.

[David]

We move toward the unrestricted air,
not looking back, although the chances are
that this is not goodbye but au revoir.

Lovely. It's all great. I get the mummy reference, not the fishing. Dunno if you need those last 2 lines, or the brackets above them, blinking Lazarus a good place to end.

Great. Thanks Ray. Let me see about finishing on Lazarus.

Cheers

David

[camus]

Hey David,

Very much enjoyed your 'medical adventure' poems. The very ordinariness of it all was expertly captured, no hysterics, no Facebook updates, just a stoic acceptance. Plus some lovely turns of phrase and observations. Perfect title for the final poem.

Coincidentally (having recently been through it) I was writing my own, but after reading yours I thought better of it. I drifted into a darker place, which wasn't much fun. I may give it another shot though.

Cheers
Kris

[David]

Great. Thanks Kris. I think you should write your own poem, or sequence. It would be much darker, of course, but at least you would at the end - I hope and trust - emerge into the light.

And, if nothing else, it's a little self-therapy. Talking always helps, even if it's only with yourself. And it can clarify things a bit.

Cheers

David