Like Benjamin Zephaniah

[ray miller]

Well, I’m not black, and I haven’t dreadlocks,
but I do hail from Birmingham
and I am a poet of sorts, a vegan,
and, of course, I support Aston Villa.

And if someone told me I’d but weeks
to live. my only regret would be the same
as his, that I wouldn’t see Villa
win the Premier League.

But here is where I differ from him -
Benjamin couldn’t produce any kids
and wasn’t allowed to adopt them
because of a police conviction
back in the nineteen seventies.

Well, I’ve got eight children:
four by natural causes, four adopted
and several criminal offences
back in the nineteen seventies.
I should be counting my blessings.

But on Christmas Day(when we didn’t
eat turkey) I looked at the twenty three
others close to me, as elbows bumped
and the decibels grew higher,
and not for the first time I felt the desire
to be more like Benjamin Zephaniah.

[jisbell00]

Hi Ray,

I like it. It has a good sustained tone that remains noble despite the chattiness, not an easy feat to my mind. The circle snapping shut in the last line seems justified when we get there. I do have two thoughts: my poems tend to be more regular in meter, FWIW, and I think you might consider "More Like Benjamin Zephaniah" as a slightly weirder title that oddly does I think less to give the game away before the last line is reached. More like.

Cheers,
John

[Macavity]

Villa! A striker who scores, a goalkeeper that saves, and a manager who knows what his players can do...and makes them better. Anyway, neat poem on difference and the injustices of life. Happiness is a matter of perspective in many ways. One season about avoiding relegation, then a top four finish, or even how you play the game!

[CalebPerry]

I'd be able to understand the poem better if I were familiar with the actors, but I'm not -- nor do I have much interest in sports. But from an objective standpoint, the poem evolves logically. I'm a little surprised you didn't make more of the injustice you uncover in the poem; but if that is common public knowledge, you wouldn't need to.

[ray miller]

Thanks all. John - yes, I may use "more like", not sure just yet. In the 2nd stanza I omitted to put " And like Benjamin Zephaniah, if someone..." Is that better or worse?
Phil - happiness is a matter of perspective - nice point. And true, no doubt. Still, whilst I'm very happy that Villa are 2nd in the table, without VAR we'd be first.
Caleb - the injustice of Benjamin not being allowed to adopt children? He was convicted of possessing a firearm in the 70s. By the late 90s when he and his partner tried to adopt, he was a very different person. But I can understand the caution of Social Services. If they exercise flexibility and something goes wrong as a consequence they get no sympathy from anyone.

[jisbell00]

Hi Ray,

I don't think you need to name Zephaniah again in S2, it's clear you are drawing an analogy with his situation. Of course, I'd hjeard that he's just died, so maybe I'm not your ideal reader, but I think most who read your poem and know Aston Villa will have heard the news.

A long time since I watched Match of the Day! Since the mid-70s, in point of fact. But I still remember the theme music. Good for Aston Villa being second in the league table!

Cheers,
John

[CalebPerry]

But Ray, you (or the speaker in the poem if that isn't you) say that you have convictions but were able to adopt, so isn't there an injustice being outlined in the poem?

[ray miller]

But Ray, you (or the speaker in the poem if that isn't you) say that you have convictions but were able to adopt, so isn't there an injustice being outlined in the poem?

My convictions were of a lesser order, though I was once convicted of carrying an offensive weapon - it wasn't a poem - but perhaps that counts for less than a firearm. It's possible he was discriminated against because of his colour, though I doubt it. In any case, I wasn't attempting to draw attention to any perceived injustice, but the difference between he and I.

[ton321]

Hi Ray



Enjoyed the conversational tone of the piece. and the rhyming couplet at the conclusion.
Tony

[David]

Hi Ray



Enjoyed the conversational tone of the piece. and the rhyming couplet at the conclusion.
Tony

Yep, me too. I think it does what you want it to do already, so doesn't need any tinkering. (If it were mine, with my OCD approach to symmetry, I'd want all the verses to be the same length, but I shouldn't.)

It's fun seeing Villa flying so high, too.

Cheers

David

[camus]

Hey Ray,

Great idea for a poem, the analogy, the local link and a fitting tribute I guess to Zephaniah and to the fine people who foster and adopt.

and not for the first time I felt the desire
to be more like Benjamin Zephaniah.

Loved this dark, open-ended couplet. In what way exactly would you like to be more like Benjamin Zephaniah? A famous poet, no kids, dead...

Cool poem.

Cheers
Kris

[jisbell00]

Yes, I'd missed what a great ending that is.

Cheers,
John