Poetry Forum

Clay's First Episode


Clay didn’t see it coming:
I pitied him for that extremity.
At the shore’s end,
Clay’s clothes were wet.
and the boat began to sing
Drowning men streamed out of the water:
A dove and a raven nested in Clay’s eyes.

Edited:

Hi folks,

This should display with lines 2-3 of each stanza indented, but I'm not sure how to achieve that.

Cheers,
John

He was struck down before he fathered children: - that's an interesting line, but is kind of stuck out on a limb, goes nowhere. Can't really fathom the rest of the tale.

Hi Ray,

Yes, it may be that this is too hermetic to go anywhere with readers. I appreciate you sharing your reaction.

Clay is my family name. And I did go mad before having any children, hence the line. I quite enjoyed writing "I pitied him," to express self-pity. The poem's about the arrival of psychosis, but if it doesn't tell you thayt on its own, it's not working.

Cheers,
John

I think I've got a better title.

Cheers,
John

Clay didn’t see it coming:

I selected each line and then used the indent option on the menu. Hope that helps John.

Particularly liked the dove/raven line.

Nifty! Thanks Phil. And pretty user-friendly, though it seems to delete the space between each tercet. That's OK for now though.

A dove and a raven are the two birds Noah sent out during the flood.

Cheers,
John

jisbell00 wrote: ↑

Sat Jan 13, 2024 3:53 am

First Episode


Clay didn’t see it coming:

a blinding light filled every crack of air.

He was struck down before he fathered children:

I pitied him for that extremity.

Clay’s bookshelves slipped and folded in like rivers

His eyes looked past the world and into God.

At the shore’s end,

the boat stopped,

and the sky filled with rain and constellations.

Clay’s clothes were wet.

The rain came from too high to find its source.

Clay released the tiller,

and the boat began to sing

in a language Clay did not understand.

The deck yielded to peonies.

Drowning men streamed out of the water:

the Lord was speaking,

and it was the falling rain.

A dove and a raven nested in Clay’s eyes.

The air was dancing

above the turning Earth.

Hi John
Press the return key after the indent code to insert a space.

Thanks, Phil! That was very helpful!

Cheers,
John

When I read the first line I thought of Henry Cooper...and perhaps well into the third verse too but that initial misinterpretation aside I thoroughly enjoyed this.

Clay released the tiller.

and the boat began to sing

I liked very much.

The last verse was the weakest and seems, perhaps incorrectly, like a bolt on....good poems can be so hard to finish.

Thanks, Ryder - glad you enjoyed this! Is that an Ali quote about our 'Enery? I've not heard it before.

I'm chuffed you enjoyed that tiller and the singing boat. I'm trying out a new ending - I agree, endings can be very hard! How to end with a quiet flourish. Or a downbeat.

Cheers,
John